


Just Us

by Layni1771



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Friendship, Homophobia, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so bad at tagging help, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Polyamory, References to memes, Romance, Unhealthy Relationships, adorable!jisung, and jeongin is a brat, and sad, baker!hyunjin, chanho are friends with benefits, dancer!minho, main cast is 3racha by the way, not within pairings, of-age members only, protective!chan, shy!changbin, someone is forced out of the closet, that's the implied sexual content, this fic is long, this is a rough one, those are worth noting obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 22:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14657436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Layni1771/pseuds/Layni1771
Summary: It's a coincidence, Chan thinks when he recognizes the contact picture that lights up Changbin's phone.Part of him whispersOr maybe it's fate.





	Just Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Exponentially_me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exponentially_me/gifts).



> Wow. I have been working on this insanely-long oneshot since April 25th and finally finished it late last night. For the past week I wrote nothing but this, hence why honestdropthoughts.tumblr.com hasn't updated yet. There's a reason I'm so dedicated to this, but that comes later-
> 
> This is a rough one. Child abuse, child neglect, homophobia, unhealthy/toxic relationships, coarse language, wow. Nothing too far out of my normal realms but it's all put together in this one piece so please be mindful if you choose to read. Also keep in mind that Chan and Minho are friends with benefits and there is implied/referenced sexual content. Besides that, there are some key character notes I want to make:  
> Chan identifies as gay as well as polyamorous, Changbin identifies as bisexual, and Jisung identifies as androsexual (Attracted to males and masculinity). Hyunjin graduated early, and Jeongin does online schooling. I think those are the important things.
> 
> As always, this has not been proofread so please excuse any errors, I hope to go over it later today to fix any that I see.
> 
> Now, to Exponentially_me. You have no idea how much you've inspired me over the years. Everything about you has made me want to improve both as a person and as a writer. You are the reason I'm still posting my fics today, you are the reason I found it in myself to go back to writing after Jonghyun passed, you are the reason I really started to follow Stray Kids. If anyone ever thanks me for writing, you need to understand that it is because of this girl. Without her, none of my oneshots, She's Sick, What Doesn't Change, or honestdropthoughts.tumblr.com would have existed, and they certainly wouldn't be posted here. You are the one that gave me the courage to write again, and gave me the courage to share what I was writing.  
> I write for you. Every word I type is inspired by you. You are sincerely the greatest friend I could ask for. Sometimes we don't always understand each other, sometimes we want to comfort each other but the distance is too great, but we do our best. Thank you for always putting up with me despite all of my faults and illnesses, both mental and physical. Thank you for being there when I need you and when I don't. Thank you for being my muse and making all of this possible. I love you and I hope my gift to you can express that even a little bit. <3

It is three a.m. when Chan stumbles into the broken apartment he has been sharing with Minho for two years. The younger boy waiting on the couch is all sharp eyes and tense muscles, but he turns into soft ice cream when he sees the hunched posture, dragging foot, and bloodied nose dripping onto the already-dirty floor. He stands up and slides an arm around Chan's back in one smooth motion, helping him back to the moth-eaten couch he has been sitting on for hours. It is orange and white stripes, and Minho doesn't mind more blood on it because this is not the first nor the last time one of them will come home beaten to hell. He smooths back Chan's sweaty hair and presses a kiss to his temple before he heads to their tiny kitchen to grab the first aid kit. Chan watches with disinterested eyes as his body moves gracefully through the messy floor.

He hurts. It is nothing new but the pain always shocks him into silence. This time the assailants had been people he did not recognize, but they certainly knew his name and face and he would not be surprised if they somehow knew his old school bullies or something. He really doesn't care, all he cares about is going to sleep as soon as possible, because he has not slept for two days and his head is pounding terribly so. Minho returns with a few wet washcloths and their well-stocked first aid kit and kneels by the edge of the couch, pressing one cloth gently on Chan's upper lip. Instinctively, he takes it and begins to carefully wipe at the blood cascading down his face before holding it against his nostrils. He isn't sure if one or both are bleeding but it is better safe than sorry.

At the same time, Minho has taken his free hand and begun to carefully wipe bits of gravel and dirt out of the scrapes on his palm, his face pinched in a familiar concentration. The atmosphere is heavy but not abnormal, and Chan only hisses occasionally when the younger is a bit too rough on the wounds or he feels a particularly strong pulse of pain. His nose has stopped bleeding a while before Minho is done dressing the wounds, so the moment he wipes his hands on his jeans in a sign of being finished, Chan wraps his hand in the boy's grey shirt, unhesitatingly pressing their parted lips together. Their teeth clash but is it just another momentary pain, he is in too much already to really notice it as his bruised nose hits beside Minho's and he wrestles with the familiarly soft lips. His free hand comes up to tangle in the dancer's hair, twisting and pulling it as he fights to win the rough kiss.

However, his opponent is not so easily beaten and Minho's hands come from under Chan's arms and his nails dig into the tense flesh of his shoulders, perfect teeth biting hard enough to make the older's lip bleed- And they do, making the kiss taste much less of the syrup Minho had with his dinner and more of an iron tang. Growling, Chan yanks the boy's hair roughly enough that the two part, Minho's neck craned at an awkward angle as he pants his heavy breaths. His eyes are challenging, but this too, is nothing new.

This is all just another day, something Chan laments internally as he takes Minho to bed and falls asleep in sweaty, muscular arms that he has bitten bruised through the night in some strange kink or another.

 

Changbin wakes up well past his alarm, but he is not surprised no one awoke him. Instead of becoming angry over the fact, he throws himself out of bed in a panic, tugging on the same pants he wore the day before and tossing his cleanest shirt over his head. If he does not hurry, he will be late for work again. He had intended to do some laundry before going to his shift, but now it is impossible and he just focuses on trying to pull on socks as he stumbles towards the front door. His older sister is in the kitchen and he can smell the type of meal he has not had at home in two years, but as he makes his way down the hall he can see there are only three spots at the table and it still does not fail to tug at his heart painfully.

But Changbin is not surprised and he is late anyway. When he bangs his head on the cabinet door as he bends down to get his shoes and cries out in pain, his older sister does not even glance his way. He swallows thickly and slides out of the door, not bothering to call out a goodbye. His stomach rumbles and he considers running to the ice cream parlor so he can grab something to eat before his shift, but that frankly sounds like it will take more energy than he has, so instead he just speedwalks in order to ensure he will show up on time. Changbin knows his boss probably won't fire him, so he isn't actually too concerned, but it does not stop the unwanted anxiety of not being somewhere on time flare up inside of him. He bites his bottom lip as he crosses the street, playing with the fraying strap of his messenger bag.

He does not make eye contact with anyone on the street. Instead, he passes them by with a posture that seems to be collapsing into himself, face tilting down and shoulders making him seem smaller than he already is. Changbin does not like to make himself a presence outside of his house, and he does not have one inside. There are days where he wonders if he really exists at all if no one seems to notice that he is real. If your being is not recognized then does that take away the validity of your existence in the universe? Does it take away your right to the claim that you are, in fact, alive and real? Changbin is used to such philosophical questions but they do not fail to shake him up, and by the time he enters the parlor he is trembling.

The boy slips in through the entrance behind a young woman and her grade school aged daughter, their chatter far too loud in his ears. He will never understand why the parlor serves pastries alongside the ice cream but at the very least he does not have to show up at three-thirty a.m. to make them unlike Hyunjin so life could be considerably worse. That is what he tells himself as he weightlessly glides into the back room.

Not a single pair of eyes linger on him, every single one simply passing over Changbin as though he, truly, is a spirit. He fears this is what he is becoming.

 

Jisung bursts into bright laughter as he looks over the meme his friend has sent him. It is an old one but a good one- A chicken standing atop an axe, with the caption "peace was never an option." His giggles fill his bedroom and bounce off of his orange walls back at him, and he covers his smile with his hand. He lost track of this conversation long ago but he is enjoying it nonetheless, and his heart is swelling with joy like a water balloon being filled. Like this he is pleased, with his lips pulled until they are almost splitting and his feet curling as he reads the messages in the groupchat. His hand reaches blindly behind him towards his bedside table, patting around and pushing things this way and that until he finds his open container of chocolates. His nails sink into the piece he picks up, making him scrunch his face as he bring it to his lips and pops it in. The taste of dark chocolate quickly coats his tongue, quickly followed by saltiness from the roasted almonds inside of the truffle. The filling is smooth and rich, sticking to the back of his throat even after he swallows the treat.

He is wiping his face with his arm when there is a soft but urgent knock on his door, and he turns his head slightly to see who is entering as his bedroom door squeaks open. Jisung's older sister stands there, her eyebrows drawn down and petal pink lips twisted into a frown. Her eyes are nervous and flickering which sending sparks of warning anxiety through Jisung's body. She clears her throat and begins to speak but cuts herself off before she can really get...Anywhere. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of his bed, breaths falling from him at an increasing rate. Finally, she simply jerks her head behind her in a nonverbal sign to follow her, and he nods.

Jisung opens his phone again, sending a quick text to Felix that reads that he might have to visit him soon, because while he does not know what kind of conversation is about to occur, he is almost certain he will not like it. Once the message is sent, the boy's sock-covered feet meet his hardwood floors and he pads outside of the safety of his bedroom. As he walks down the dark green hallways he finds himself missing the security he feels in his sherbet orange room. His heart is pounding in his ears and his fingers tangle in his black T-shirt as Jisung makes his way down the stairs.

His sister is waiting for him by the entrance to the kitchen, and once he sees the apprehensive look in her eyes his anxiety increases tenfold. In this moment he knows he wants nothing more than to retreat to Felix's house, and were it not for the way he accidentally meets his father's sharp gaze he would have turned around right then and there, to make his way to the front door instead. As it is, he has been seen and reluctantly he wipes his hands on his jeans and steps into the kitchen, making his way straight for the dining room table where his parents are sitting, hands folded and pictures of concern as they stare at something on the table. His curiosity is piqued and he moves a little closer, tilting his head as he looks at the item.

When Jisung sees the cream paper with purple edging and his messy characters, his heart drops to his feet and he is ready to bolt because that page holds his deepest secret and he wonders just why that _friend_ has betrayed him like this.

 

Changbin's day has ended and he is exhausted more than he could have imagined. His bones ache in a deep sort of way, like the pain is just out of reach and he will never be able to relieve it. A shaky breath passes through his tightly clenched teeth as he rubs his arms. The night has long since become pitch black, and the only thing he has eaten today is an egg tart Hyunjin had legitimately forced into his hands during his lunch break. It had been delicious and temporarily filling, but now his body is trembling with hunger and his stomach is wrapped into an ever-tightening knot inside of the flesh of his useless body.

His stomach rumbles and he knows that he cannot ignore it any longer. There will be no food for him if he returns home, so his best bet is to stop by the closest cheap place he can find. Changbin hates to eat out all the time, it is a waste of his precious little money that he is trying to save up to move out, and is also _disheartening_. Home-cooked meals are so much better and he _misses_ them, but he cannot change the past and even now he isn't sure he wants to. He does not regret being who he is but he regrets many of the things that come with it for sure.

Aching teeth bite at a sensitive lip as Changbin's eyes scan the signs that litter the sides of the road, advertising their various products and services. He wants something warm, comforting- To take the edge off his shitty life and soothe the aching of his bones. He feels the small joints in his fingers aching, telling him the weather will be getting even colder. The condition is not really arthritis but it acts like it, and Changbin massages the top joint of his left index finger, stopping in front of a small noodle bowl shop. The prices are low and the scent inviting, making his already-pained stomach even worse. It brings actual tears to his eyes and he sighs, patting them away before entering the small shop. The first thing he notices is the dim but warm-colored lighting of the restaurant. The second are the other occupants-

There are three others eating here. Two boys, both probably older than him, are sitting directly in the back table, and they are speaking in hushed tones Changbin cannot hear over the soft nature backtrack that is being played. A third boy, definitely younger than him, has reserved the table in the corner. He seems to be nearly done eating, and perhaps he had previously had a companion, because there is an empty bowl across from the one he is picking at. He finds himself struck by the half-formed bruise on his face, but Changbin is not there to observe strangers. His stomach rumbles as a reminder and he walks to the counter, keeping his head down. He is met by the brightly smiling face of someone he could probably compare to sunshine. His nametag, which does not at all suit the atmosphere, reads Seungmin.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" Seungmin's voice is soft but his words carry. Changbin orders a simple tonkatsu ramen bowl and takes a seat in the only other corner. He does not want to be near any of the other diners. If he is a ghost, he should play the part. His hands come up to tug the black hood down further to cover more of his face and he pulls out his old cellphone- The screen is cracked all over and half of the time refuses to light up, but at least his parents are still paying for it.

He supposes if they took his line off their plan, it would be like admitting he was real.

Seungmin appears in his line of sight, setting down a steaming cup that Changbin has not asked for. Before he can voice this, the boy runs a hand through his brown hair, and he notices the unique mole on his cheek.

"It's cold out tonight so Mom asked me to make sure everyone gets hot tea. Don't worry, it's on the house!" He gestures towards the other tables, and Changbin does see tea mugs with white mist curling up in front of the other three so he nods in thanks and does not make any further eye contact. Seungmin walks away and heads somewhere behind the counter- Likely to the kitchen, and finally Changbin presses the button _just right_ to open the phone. As expected, he finds nothing particularly interesting other than that his work schedule has been updated for the next week. His hours are reasonable for any normal person, and he makes a good amount, but Changbin wants, _needs_ more-

Anything to keep him away from that house. To give him something to do. If not for work and one coworker named Hwang Hyunjin, Changbin very much doubts he would be able to be sitting in this noodle shop right now. He probably would have offed himself a long time ago, whether on purpose or by accident and he hates it.

Seo Changbin wants to live, and he mourns this over his bowl of tonkatsu ramen.

It's delicious.

 

Jisung is intrigued by the boy in the hood crying over his ramen but truthfully his entire life has fallen apart in the course of a few hours and his face fucking hurts and he wants to tear his own hair out. Felix has just left after trying to comfort him for a good three hours and simultaneously planning to kick Wong Lucas' ass into the next century. He'll be back for Jisung once he explains to his parents the whole thing- Apparently the younger thinks it's better to do in person, and Jisung still wanted to finish his noodles. So they had parted. But now he feels terrified and lonely and he isn't sure he can ever go back home again. He just wants to curl up under his old fleece Pokemon blanket and sleep the entire ordeal away but he had literally not grabbed a thing as he scrambled out of his front door, trying to protect himself from the onslaught of blows coming his way.

He shudders, grabbing the tea in front of him. He can smell it is some sort of black tea, yet when he allows a sip to just slightly burn his tongue, he tastes something strangely chocolately and he sighs in pleasure. Jisung's head is pounding and there is a heavy pressure built behind one of his eyes, but the tea is helping relieve it just a bit, and there is that if nothing else.

 _Lucas_.

Jisung is stuck on him. He was one of Jisung's most treasured friends, and the only one other than Felix who knew about his sexuality- Even Woojin hyung had not been told, but he has _trusted_ Lucas with such sensitive information, he has had a _crush_ on Lucas for two years running, and now...His hands trembled as he recalled the fury in his father's eyes. The way his fists had been turned on his own son so quickly. Jisung wants to know why. Why did Lucas have to out him to his family like that? Where was that fair? Did he think he was helping by doing that?

His fingertips come up to trace lightly over his cheek, still swelling. He accidentally catches the eye of the man with silver hair a few table away- His face, too, is bruised, more his nose though, and there is a cut on his lip that he is licking as they make eye contact. Jisung's eyes are wide and scared, he can feel it. He is on guard and his body is tense, ready to just _run_ to Felix's place if he needs to, but the man does nothing to threaten him and instead offers a smile and a wink like they are sharing a secret before he turns his full attention back to the conversation he is having,

 _Of course he isn't going to do anything_ , Jisung scolds himself, _He doesn't have a clue. It's not like, "Hi I'm androsexual"_ _is stamped on your forehead or a nametag or something._

He is being ridiculous but neither his mother nor his sister had made any move to assist him when shit was going down and honestly the entire world feels like his enemy. Jisung glances again at the boy crying over his ramen, but it looks like the rain of his tears has dried up even if the cloudiness in his face has not. Jisung is the type of person to go comfort strangers, and that guy seriously looks like he needs it but he is too damn _tired_ right now. His body is being weighed down by a thousand and one thoughts and he thinks if he tries to stand he will collapse straight to the ground, so he stays, slurping up the last of his noodles and staring into the darkness of the black tea. The steam is staining his face as he lingers above the cup, water collecting on the tip of his nose until it _drips_ back into the cup with an audible _plink_.

Jisung's eyes slide shut and he leans back in his booth. The skin of his body is tingling, his heart twinging with an emotional pain he never thought he would know. Jisung wants to run, and he thinks this to himself with a sort of self-deprecating inner laugh. He does not know how to run, because he make attachments in everyone and everything, and he has too much of a heart to give to rip it away from its roots and leave. This is not him even if he wishes it is, and he wonders why he wants that. What does running accomplish? He has been taught his whole life to stand and face things, but Jisung is certain that this is never something that can be faced. No matter how his panicking mind tries to tackle this problem, there is not a solution.

He is hated.

It is a terrible feeling to be hated, and Jisung curls into himself, mind absently noting that instead of nature sounds, the small speakers are now playing some sort of soft wind instruments and it sends a shiver up his spine. He thought it was bad when he realized his own sexuality, he thought it was terrifying telling Felix, he thought it was downright horrifying writing it down to Lucas, but that all paled in comparison to be torn outside of the walls he had securely built around himself, dragged over the threshold while he cried, screamed to be left alone. Jisung barely covers his sob by slapping a hand over his mouth, but the sound resounds in the fairly quiet restaurant and all three other diner's eyes are on him. His cheeks flush and he bends lower over the table, head buzzing. Jisung's entire being is screaming to just _disappear_.

The small bell tinkles as the entrance opens, and he can recognize the sound of Felix's obnoxiously slapping footsteps anywhere. He peers up through his fingers, but the contorted expression his best friend wears is not good and _Jesus fuck what else could possibly be going wrong_ -

"Jisung, dude, the school website-" It's fucking eleven at night but Felix is cutting himself off and he is breathless and it steals Jisung's breath too. Felix is holding his phone and the teenager snatches it, looking at what is on the front page with parted lips. _No._ Lucas, Lucas had not thought he was _helping_ when he gave that letter to his family because the fucker had _posted it online with Han Jisung's full name right where everyone can see it_ and Jisung's not sure if he is even breathing or what the sounds coming out of his mouth are as Felix tosses money on the table and shoves his face in his shoulder, half-hugging half-dragging him out of the restaurant as he shatters into dust.

 

Worried eyes trace the strangers' abrupt and loud exit, but Chan does not know exactly what he can do for them. He exchanged a worried glance with Minho but the younger is shrugging at the same time, and he knows they are thinking the same thing- _There's nothing to do_. He had only heard the words "school website" and that probably wasn't good, and he can recognize a fresh bruise anywhere. He sighs, pushing the young strangers out of his mind and instead focusing on the beautiful gleam in Minho's eyes and the bite marks that trail down from behind his ear, over his jaw, and down his neck until they disappear under layers of clothing. He lays his hand flat on the table, palm up, and without hesitation the younger begins to trace patterns that he doesn't recognize into his skin.

"Are your arms sore?" Chan asks quietly, a twinge of guilt presenting itself as his eyes take in the way the dancer is careful with his movements. He has a habit of taking things too far on nights he comes back beaten bloody, but the same can be said for Minho. They have their safe words, so he knows he should not be too worried for his friend but he cannot help it anyway.

They really only have each other, if one excludes Jeongin from the equation, and currently Jeongin is traveling between Seoul and Busan every other week so they are the only solid, _real_ things.

"Of course they are," Minho's voice is full of mirth and he raises an eyebrow, eyes dark with something that makes Chan a little nervous for what he will return to when they head back to the apartment. He knows this look, but as always, without warning Minho's face brightens humorously and he laughs, "But it's nothing I can't handle, hyung. Are you going back to work tomorrow or do you think you'll quit and find a new job again?"

Quitting his job frequently is becoming a bit of a habit for Chan, and it is bad. If he does not work, he cannot pay for his half of rent, and Minho deserves better than to have his hard-earned money drained by someone who is simply unsatisfied. But Chan cannot stand a single job he finds, none suit him and hardly any will take him with his dyed hair and shave in his eyebrow, but he does not wish to change. To change is like admitting defeat both now and all those years ago, when his family turned him to the street for being a "whore-" Because apparently being willing and preferring relationships with multiple partners in a mutual, loving, and consenting environment is being greedy, and whorish once you add in the fact that Chan is into only men. To his family, he is a disgrace, simply a being driven by sexual desires and something to be gotten rid of like a used tissue.

 _Apparently_ Chan isn't allowed to seek meaningful, emotional connections in more than one person. It can only be for one purpose and that is to "gratify his out-of-control sexual desires."

He has not spoken to his family since they kicked him to the streets back when he was fifteen and didn't know how to defend himself or even speak Korean well. He does not feel any want to, and neither do they apparently because not a single member of the family has come knocking in all those years. Chan accepts this, but it does not make him happy. It tugs at a murky depth inside of his belly, unpleasant and nauseating, and he closes his eyes and takes a long slurp of his noodles. He doesn't know if Minho recognizes that he had temporarily become lost in his own mind or if his roommate thinks he is avoiding the question, but either will do. Chan savors the light, oily taste of the broth and licks his lips. A fond giggle breaks from Minho and he reaches over the table, thumb softly brushing over the corner of his lips where a sliver of green onion has landed. The younger pops it in his mouth and smiles cheerily.

"Well?"

"I'm not sure yet," Chan shrugs, "Ask me again in the morning."

"Ooh, so Chris is keeping this one for another day," He sing-songs, tilting his head with a grin, "Do you know if Jeongin is coming on the early or the late train this time?"

"I think the late one," He replies with a half-hearted shrug, "I can pick him up after I get off, walk him back to his place."

"Will you be fine alone?" Minho does not ask this out of a place of cruelty, and internally Chan understands this. It still sends a burst of searing indignation through him and he bites his tongue to keep from retorting. He isn't a child and he knows how to take care of himself. Even if things do go wrong, Chan has never failed to make it out of a fight as the victor since he was in high school and he had full faith in himself. He does, no matter whether he wants to. He has so few skills to lay claim to, but being able to win a fight is one of them even if he wants to erase that from his repertoire. Or rather, he wishes to rid himself of the cause of that skill.

Finally, Chan nods with tightly pressed lips. Minho has been tracing illustrations on his palm this whole time, but now he rakes his fingernails outwards, scraping lightly against the older's skin as he lays his hand flat on top. Chan shivers, releasing a shaking breath but there is only a fond smile on Minho's petal pink lips.

"I don't need to ask," He takes it back, and Chan's eyes flicker up from the table in surprise, "You're Chan, you're Chris. I know that no matter what, I can always count on that. You always bounce back somehow, and I love it. That's why you're my best friend."

Warmth like a spring breeze flood through him, and his smile matches Minho's- He knows his dimples are on full display, and this is proven by the way the dancer's free hand comes up and he slowly leans over, poking the indentation. Chan really doesn't feel it but it tugs a laugh out of him and he wonders how he got so lucky to find a best friend like Lee Minho.

 

School is hell. Home is hell. Jisung has never felt so disconnected from his reality before, and he knows that is dissociation but he also knows if he tries to actually _live_ like this, he will not be able to handle it. He cannot process the riptide he has been thrust into, being torn this way and that. His brain is thrashing violently against his skull, sometimes a little more literally when he is shoved in the hallway and when his father beats the shit out of him at home. Felix begs him to stop returning, begs him to just go back to his house and stay with his family, but it is sickening to feel that sense of normalcy now because he isn't getting it where he wants it. He is going home, somewhere inside of him hoping that things will be different this time but he is met with the same disdain, the same insults, the same blows that he can hardly protect himself from. His sister never comes back to the house anymore. His mother pretends like she sees and hears nothing until his dad is gone and she patches him up with a cool kiss to his sweaty forehead.

At school Lucas casts him a smile as though he is not the cause of all this. He casts him smiles even when he sees Jisung's former _friends_ pin him against lockers and dare him to kiss them because _you're into that, aren't you Han, you freak?_ and when he is ruthlessly kneed in the gut as he bends down to pick up the papers that have been scattered across the hallway, being tread on and dirty footprints tracking all over the once white papers. Jisung thinks that he is not so different from these school assignments as his eyes burn and he struggles to breathe. Felix tries to stick by his side and earns his fair share of battle scars but Jisung does not want him to suffer the same treatment and refuses to see him inside of school unless they are sharing a class or can meet up where no one can see. Normally those times consist of Felix trying to not cry as he takes in his best friend's sorry state and choking down some sort of snack to make things feel a little more normal.

Jisung wants to smile back at Lucas, to show him he has done nothing to break him, but that is a damn lie. He _hurts_ , he knows this, and he is waiting to feel this.

It comes after he hears that _single_ comment one too many times.

"Fucking fag, I can't stand the gays," It's some junior, an _underclassman_ because Jisung and Felix are seniors and he is sneering this at Jisung and he simply cannot let this go on anymore.

"I'm not _gay_ , dumbass. Did you ever bother to look up what androsexual is? I'm fucking attracted to people on the masculine side of the spectrum, guess what, they aren't always guys. Men _and_ masculinity. There is a difference which you'd know if you bothered to learn about what the fuck you're trying to insult," Jisung's words are surprisingly tame for the whipping pains inside of his tightening chest, and Felix is grasping his bicep so hard he might be bruising. He knows that most people use this term when they're nonbinary but he knows that it is what _feels right_ , that _gay_ does not describe it, nor does _bisexual_ or _pansexual_ or anything but androsexual and for the life of him Han Jisung cannot understand why it is so difficult of a concept to grasp and accept.

"It's the same thing, fag," And the junior shoves his way past him, _hard_ , with enough force to send both Jisung and Felix tumbling to the ground and the next thing Jisung knows he is sobbing, clenching onto Felix's uniform jacket like his life depends on it because in this moment it is his anchor and he is close to floating away. He is _craving_ the love and affection he knew before Lucas outed him, he is shrieking for it in the hallways of the school and the teachers do not even interrupt because they, too, like his mother turn a blind eye to the whole affair. It isn't fair.

"It's not _fair_ ," Jisung repeats in a gasping breath. Felix pulls him close, murmuring and shushing him and promising him it will be alright but it is a lie because Jisung's own family does not love him, how can anything possibly be alright? His life has become hopeless in a matter of weeks and he does not know how he is supposed to continue on.

When Woojin finally hears of the bullying and abuse he doesn't even seem to give a damn about Jisung's sexuality, instead he is livid and it is hard to contain a force as powerful as an angry Kim Woojin, but Jisung manages with a small, exhausted _"I'm tired"_ and Woojin consents to cuddling on his couch for a good three hours. Jisung is pretty sure that somewhere during his nap on the older's chest he feels tears drip into his hair, but he does not mention anything to Woojin when he gets up, and Felix has been sleeping just as long so there is nothing really he can do to find out because he does not want to harm that pretty smile on his hyung's face when he ruffles his hair and asks him what he wants to eat for dinner. Jisung is not hungry but he requests ramen and Felix suggests that place they visited before.

There are bad memories associated with it, but it is also such a calming place and the muscles in his body are cramping from tenseness and he needs to find something calming. After eating he has to go home and he is _terrified_. Jisung does not want to be and he tries to push those feelings down as the familiar bell tinkles from above them as they enter the small eatery. That Seungmin kid is at the front again, smiling just like when Jisung and Felix first stumbled in, both in shock and neither expecting the upcoming shitstorm. Jisung breathes in the warm, scented air as they walk to him, ignoring the way it makes his ribs ache. Seungmin's eyes glide right over his bruised face and come to rest on his eyes.

"Welcome back! What can I get you this time?" Before long they have ordered and are sitting at the same corner table as last time. He can see a few more people here this time, and there is a dull roar of conversation playing just above the smooth jazz music. Jisung wonders idly if there is just a phone sitting around somewhere, connected by Bluetooth and playing a slew of random but calming playlists.

"Mate, Jisung, did you see this?" Felix's hand is pressed against his mouth and his eyes are bright as he turns his phone screen to show whatever picture is on the screen. It takes a few seconds for Jisung's eyes to focus because the younger's hands are shaking with barely-contained laughter but it is some sort of meme comparing a singer to a Venus flytrap and-

"That's fucking _hilarious_ ," Jisung's eyes are wide and his lips part in an incredulous smile as he laughs, short and breathy but no matter how dead-pan he spoke the words he means them, "That's actually perfect, oh my _God_ , 'Lix I love it-"

"It can't be that funny-" Jisung interrupts Woojin by snatching Felix's phone and shoving it in his face, and after a few moments the eldest's brow raises and he tilts his head back and directs his gaze up a little, as though he is considering something, "I stand corrected."

"Damn straight," Felix takes his phone back with a victorious grin.

"Not me," Jisung pipes up, and the joke lessens the pressure in his chest because Woojin has only found out today but he doesn't even react.

"Mood," Is his simple reply, and Jisung makes a mental note to show his appreciation for the blond more often.

 

Seo Changbin meets Bang Chan unexpectedly one morning when he is out with Hyunjin. Hyunjin is his only friend, and one of his coworkers. He seems to be the only one that knows someone named Seo Changbin exists and because of that they are _close_. But it is strange, because when they are together Changbin knows that he becomes even more see-through than normal. Everyone looks right through him to the beautiful man right next to him. He doesn't resent this, especially as Hyunjin grasps his hand and offers him an eyesmile that could chase away even the darkest of nightmares. Hyunjin is all soft edges and calloused hands and thoughtful words and laughter as sweet as candy.

"Hyung, don't get stuck in that head of yours," Hyunjin scolds, a pout forming on his thick lips. Changbin's heart warms just a fraction and he tightens his grip on the younger's thin, long fingers, tilting his head. They are sitting in a park, Hyunjin's homemade sweets sitting in containers between them and cups of hot chocolate whisping white steam into the cold air. It is perhaps six-thirty in the morning and they both have the day off. Most people would sleep, but Changbin cannot stand the way his father has started stacking boxes of unused items in his bedroom as though it is a storage room and there is no one living there, and Hyunjin is sympathetic and loving and willing to get up even this early if it means his dear friend feels a little cherished and supported. They smile at each other, Changbin's small and rather restrained while Hyunjin's threatens to cover his eyes entirely.

"You're definitely the best baker in Seoul," Changbin compliments suddenly, leaning back and popping open a small blue container. Inside is a new confection Hyunjin is experimenting with for the ice cream parlor. It is a vanilla bean scone with a chocolate cookie-espresso crumble. He picks one up and immediately his fingers are sticky, the white glaze pulling in his fingertips and bleeding under his short fingernails. Changin grimaces and he hears Hyunjin giggle. He looks up and sticks his tongue out slightly before cupping one hand under the treat and taking an experimental bite of it. As it should be, the scone is lightly sweet, moist but effectively crumbly, and the glaze is the right amount of poignant taste. The chocolate cookie-espresso crumble add a kick that makes Changbin's taste buds tingle and he moans, shutting his eyes in pleasure, "This, this is why I'm friends with you."

"Right, it's not my unconditional love and support and good looks or anything," He snorts, taking the scone from the elder's hand. Changbin watches as the glaze trails from his fingers, snapping once the distance is too far. He pops his fingers in his mouth, eyes fluttering across the early morning scene. The sun is still rising, and the world is washed in a pale blue light. It is cold and his hoodie is definitely too thin, but he finds something beautiful in the way his skin rises with bumps and he shivers. Maybe Changbin is too obsessed with proving that he is alive, because that is just why he likes to feel uncomfortably cold like this. His lungs burn slightly with the sharp temperature of the air and his face feels a little waxy, but he brings his mug of hot chocolate to his face and takes another long drink. It warms him up and the racket that is always playing in his chest is fairly calm for the moment.

This is why Changbin loves being with Hyunjin, but he also knows that Hyunjin will not stay silent on topics that are bothering him for long. He wants to savor this calm moment, and so he stacks up the containers and moves them to his other side before scooting closer on the cold concrete of the planter box and laying his head on Hyunjin's shoulder. It's a little high up but the younger leans down, wrapping his warm arm around the boy's waist. He is looking into the distance contemplatively when Changbin looks up, his eyes far away and gleaming. Affection is not something he feels often, but it is impossible to not feel with with him. Changbin wants to protect him from the world, but in all reality this is what Hyunjin does for him.

The pair is silent for a long while. The sun is starting to be seen more clearly.

"Hey, Changbinnie hyung."

" _Did you call me_?" Changbin replies in English, and Hyunjin's laughter twinkles like wind chimes in a garden during late afternoon. _I'm too much of a lyricist_ , Changbin thinks as he clings closer to his friend.

"Have you ever thought of moving out?" The question is carefully phrased, like Hyunjin is afraid of the answer.

"No."

A lie. Still, it is like the short response is exactly what Hyunjin does not want to hear, and Changbin can see and feel him wilt, "I'm moving into an apartment. Do you want to come with me?"

"No."

Hyunjin doesn't argue and Changbin is grateful. Before any more conversation can continue, a commotion sounds from behind them and Changbin turns. At first he sees nothing, but as he peers more to the other side of the street he can see what looks like two men on the ground and some rather _unhappy_ ones above them. His heart is in his throat but already Hyunjin is standing, making his way around the planters and across the street and Changbin follows with his heart pounding in his chest. He's pretty certain that this is a fight they do not want to get into, but Hyunjin is selfless and he can feel his own heart tug as he watches one man with grey hair- _Why does that look so familiar_ \- Pulling the smaller boy to his chest, wrapping his arms around him to shield the oncoming blows.

"Hey!" Hyunjin's voice is sharp and his eyes dangerous. Changbin makes his expression as bored and unconcerned as possible on the off-chance that someone _does_ actually see him because he hears that makes him look more threatening and he truthfully has no confidence in a fight, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Get fucking lost," A large man with a purple face sneers. He is overweight and ugly, and Changbin wants to cringe away from him. He fights that instinct and observes the way blood is dripping on the ground from the boys curled there. It makes him a bit sick, "This shit ain't your problem."

"You're beating people on the street, that's definitely my problem," Hyunjin does not back down and in fact crowds a little closer. The man is definitely bigger than him but he is taller and Changbin admires the way he is using it to his advantage. The purple-faced man takes a few steps back, and he watches as his coworker whips a deadly glare at the others still gathered around. Their knuckles are bruised and torn and Changbin feels himself getting angrier because while he isn't sure what happened, he can hear quiet sobs from the one tucked into the other's chest and he sounds _young_. Younger than Changbin, younger than Hyunjin, and he doesn't really want to know what the hell happened.

"They're just some fags, it's not your business," A scrawnier guy calls out, but he looks to the ground at Hyunjin's deep growl. Changbin wants to vomit now because this is literally a hate crime and he cannot _understand why people hate us we're just a little different why_ \--

He kneels by them and no one's eyes even flicker. _Good_. Carefully Changbin places a hand on the grey-haired man's shoulder and he is stunned by the clear look in his eyes, even through the puffy and bruised face. He sees the man shake his head minutely but whatever Hyunjin has been saying since he started tuning his coworker out is effective because the men are retreating and he breathes a sigh of relief.

"Are you two alright?" Hyunjin asks, and his tone is anything but patronizing. Changbin doesn't trust himself to speak, and so he observes. He is a ghost, as always, as Hyunjin's presence grows larger and larger. He blinks at the surprisingly easy-going grin the question receives. The man's dimples are deep even as he looks down at the boy with dark hair grasping onto his shirt.

"We're fine, it's good, thanks mate," He reassures, petting the other's hair, "C'mon Jeonginnie, everything's fine, hyung's got you."

"You're bleeding," This Jeongin mumbles and Changbin is definitely inclined to agree with the way that this statement implies that everything is _not fine_. His hands are personally still shaking with adrenaline and he very much wants to find a place to vomit his vanilla bean scone and hot chocolate. Instead Changbin watches as Hyunjin somehow masterfully handles the situation that he is lost in. His chest hurts.

 

Chan ends up at his own front door with Jeongin and two strangers named Hyunjin and Changbin in tow. His face hurts and he is tense as hell, but he is thankful to them for stopping things before they got too bad and before Jeonginnie could get hurt. Today he had come on the early train, but Chan certainly hadn't expected anyone to fucking _assault_ them on the way back. He has come to know the times that people who know who he is are looking for victims, and normally this is late at night. Six-thirty in the morning is a new one and he had no other thought than to keep Jeongin safe. Jeongin is precious and deserves much better than to be roped into his messes, and _shit_ he is making himself angry again.

Why the pair of strangers have accompanied them is still not quite known to Chan. Hyunjin had said something about making sure they got back safe, and Changbin had silently gone along with it. He has not spoken a word this whole time and he doubts he will. Instead, he has spent this whole walk back to Chan and Minho's apartment holding tightly onto Hyunjin's hand and carrying a bag that has containers full of desserts. For a few moments, Chan had considered the possibility of them being a couple but now he can tell that while the intimacy is strong, it is platonic. Changbin looks at Hyunjin with admiration and appreciation and Hyunjin looks at Changbin like he is a precious item but...

Chan knows romantic love and he will compare their relationship to the one he has with Minho, or the one he has with Jeongin because the one with Minho is laced with rough sex and a painful history.

Either way, he knocks on the door because he forgot his keys and just moments later, Minho's annoyed face appears in the doorway. It quickly changes to a cold mask and he says, "You said you would be okay, Chris."

"I'm fine," Chan replies with a tight smile and Minho looks over the strangers, "They helped us out and wanted to make sure we got home alright. Thank you two a lot, seriously. I'm not sure how much worse things would have gotten if it weren't for you."

"Anytime, seriously," Hyunjin's eyes are on fire and Chan realizes by the way his grip on Changbin's hand tightens that this situation is terribly _personal_ for him. This whole time he has been protectively covering the other just a little bit and he knows there is a story somewhere in this action. There is a story in the way Changbin seems to erase his own presence, and the way he doesn't utter a word and the way he seems to never stop abusing that bottom lip. Part of Chan naturally wants to take care of everyone, and when he sees this bad, almost self-harming habit his heart hurts and he wants to pull the flesh free and beg the boy to find a new habit. The rest of him knows it's definitely not his place and so he does nothing about the protective flare in his chest and instead runs a hand through his hair, "Since you're here I guess everything's alright now, but if you ever need any help, both hyungie and I work at that ice cream parlor like, two block away from the park- The one with the peach colored sign?"

"I've seen it," Minho volunteers the information with a smile and presses a hand to Chan's back, herding him and Jeongin in. He smiles gratefully, "Thank you so much, my stupid roommate is always getting into fights. We'll come by to thank you more properly next time."

Chan bids them farewell, and does not miss the way Hyunjin is immediately asks Changbin if he is okay as Minho shuts the door. Silence falls over the small apartment and Chan collapses onto the stained striped couch again. Jeongin is sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at Minho with wide, vulnerable eyes and his braces have cut his lip slightly. Chan wants to get up and help but as he stands Minho is already wetting cloths, tossing one carelessly this time at him and carefully wiping at Jeongin's bloodied mouth.

"It wasn't Channie hyung's fault," Jeongin supplies and Chan smiles just a bit as he prods at his own cuts and scrapes.

"I know, Innie," Minho soothes, running his hand through the tangled, messy hair, "You must be exhausted. Take the bed, okay? You should rest up today."

Jeongin must really be tired because he does not object, much to Chan's surprise. He shyly promises to wake up soon and shuffles to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Chan hates the way Jeongin's parents toss him between their place and his like the boy doesn't deserve consistency. They refuse to let him move in with Chan and Minho yet toss him to live there every other week and it is frustrating. The trip from Busan to Seoul and from Seoul to Busan is not an easy one, and it is like each time he arrives he looks worse and worse. Chan shakes his head, biting the inside of his cheek as Minho sidles up behind him, pressing a warm kiss to his neck and folding his arms over the older's chest. The kisses trail up from the base of his neck to below his ear and Chan shivers, relaxing just a bit in the younger's embrace.

"I know you're tense but let's take it easier, okay hyung?" He whispers in his ear before lightly nipping at it.

"You gave Jeongin the bed," Chan reminds, turning around and slipping his hands under Minho's grey shirt, resting them on his hips. His thumbs can feel the taut muscles of the dancer's abdomen and he slides them with just a bit of pressure, admiring the feeling. Their eyes meet, dark and sad and turned on. Minho's lips curve into a dangerous smile.

"We have a couch, a floor, a table, a wall- Take your pick, Chris," He runs a finger on Chan's bottom lip, digging his nail into it slightly. The older huffs a laugh.

"I thought we were taking it easier," Their breaths are tangling as their foreheads press together, and Chan can feel the way Minho's eyes are taking in every scrape, every bruise, cataloguing them and deciding just which ones will be okay to play with and which ones will be best to be left alone. It is their game, their ultimate _fuck you_ to the homophobes that think it's okay to touch them. They'll take that pain and _enjoy_ it, and Minho is already sucking at the cut on Chan's lip, pulling it between his teeth and reopening the small amount it had knit back together. He chokes on his own breath, and without hesitation he grinds against Minho's thigh, the boy's own breathing stuttering at the movement. He blinks up at Chan.

"For us isn't this slow enough?" His voice is all too innocent for what the words imply, but he is right and Chan doesn't argue or remind Minho that the younger works in an hour. Instead, he presses Minho into the wall and bites at his neck for all that he is worth.

 

Jisung locks his bedroom door, heart pounding. His school bag is spilled over on its side, all of the contents strewn across his floor. Posters have been ripped off his wall and his various stuffed animals are tossed about randomly. He can see his mattress has been moved and the clothes in his closet have been torn through. He grits his teeth and sinks to the ground because he has been having a _good_ day and he wants to scream. School had been comparatively easier today than of late and Jisung's smile hadn't been _forced_ as he ate lunch with Felix. It had been real and laughter bloomed from him just like it used to and Jisung.

Has.

Been.

Happy.

Today.

Now there are no other thoughts than ones burning with rage. _How_ dare _he come in here and touch my things._ How fucking dare he is looping in Jisung's mind as he turns around, unlocking the door and ripping it open. He storms down the stairs to where he knows his dad is- He had just avoided him on the way up, after all- And his fists are clenched tightly as he stops short in front of the man he used to respect and love. Everything had changed in a matter of moments but none of that matters anymore because right here and now Jisung is _pissed_ and steaming. He is positively trembling, jaw aching with how tightly his teeth are chattering against each other, face flushed bright red and eyes watering with the temperature. Jisung's dad seems surprised that he is being approached at all, but he only raises a brow and waits. Waits to see if he is about to damn himself.

Newsflash, he is.

"Why were you in my room? Why did you touch my things?" His father snorts immediately.

"Is that what this is all about? Christ, and here I thought you might have actually had something important to say," Just like that, he is dismissed and his dad's gaze returns to the book he is reading but Jisung stomps closer, grabbing it out of his hand, "Jisung. You are playing a very dangerous game."

He can see his mother pause in the kitchen from the corner of his eye. She is shaking but he can't stop himself. He has taken the plunge and whatever happens happens, because he refuses to stand for it. His gaze never leaves his dad's steely eyes as he repeats himself, "Why were you in my room, and why in fuck did you touch my things?"

"To make sure you weren't hiding any of your disgusting homo shit in my house," He replies with brutal honesty. Jisung can see it in his eyes- Jisung can see the truth in anyone's eyes. It is a gift of his but right now he wishes he didn't have it at all, "I won't have it in my household, do you understand? It's fucking horrific, just like you. Do you even realize how lucky you are that I've been _graceful_ enough to let you stay? Do you even realize how much of a disgrace you are? You are unnatural, a mistake, _wrong_ yet you still come to me in _my house_ and disrespect me like this? Are you fucking kidding me, Jisung? Just who do you think you are?"

Each word shoves a splinter of wood inside of him, his ears feel like they are dripping with blood but he is more terrified of the predatorial look in his father's eyes. His socked feet step back quickly but he is too slow and there are fingers wrapped painfully tightly around Jisung's wrist as he is yanked forward, his stomach connecting harshly with his father's knee. A choked gasp is torn from his throat but it falls on ears that do not even care as he doubles over, tears burning in his eyes. Jisung feels like he must have a death wish as an elbow meets his back and he is sent sprawling in the hardwood. He could have avoided this, he could have avoided all of this but he also does not want to take this abuse lying down. It is wrong, if there is one thing he is confident of it is that and his fingers clench as he tries to drag himself out of his dad's reach.

His heartbeat pounds in his ears and his head is throbbing the moment it connects with the floor. Jisung turns slightly and it feels like instantly he is being grasped by the front of his school uniform, a fist meeting his cheek. His teeth clash together with a sound that reverberates in his head but luckily they missed his tongue. Dishes have resumed clattering in the kitchen and he know his mother is trying to drown out the sound of her son being beaten in her living room and he wants to feel bad for her but she _does nothing to help him_ and Jisung is sobbing now. His elbow hits the coffee table as he tries to scoot as far away as possible, but his dad's hand wraps in his hair and drags him back. Everything burns or aches and he can feel his ribs screaming at him, his lungs crying for air.

"Stop-" Is all he can choke out before his face is slammed into the ground. He can feel that his cheek has busted open and tastes the blood on his chapped lips. His dad pins him down, hovering over the back of his neck as he growls,

"I won't take disrespect like this. Get the fuck out of here and come back with a better attitude or you'll regret ever being born," Jisung is pushed away and his chest heaves for breaths, but he wants so desperately to defiantly say he thinks he already is- Regretting that he was born, that is. His father walks up the stairs calmly and he follows him with his eyes. Jisung can't possibly understand this, but he knows that he needs to _leave_ before his dad comes back so he pushes himself up on bruised, trembling arms and ignores the way everything he is feels like it is rejecting the movements. He ignores his mother's staring as he limps towards the front door, pressing the sleeve of his jacket to the wound that is tracking deep red blood down his cheek. His hand finds his cellphone in his back pocket as he stumbles out of the door, and before he can even register what he is doing, Jisung hears Felix calling his name on the other side.

"'Lix..." His voice trails off, and he swallows thickly. Jisung thinks he's still crying but he can't tell anymore through the buzzing in his head.

"Jisung, what's wrong mate?" Felix's voice is definitely panicked. Jisung feels exhausted.

"'Lix, please come get me."

 

Changbin does not expect the strangers to ever actually show up at his place of work, but they do. He honestly does not recall their names even though he's pretty sure Hyunjin had gotten them all mostly introduced before, but it doesn't matter. In truth, he doesn't even notice them until he looks up from putting money in the register and he meets a pair of dark brown eyes framed by curly silver hair. For what feels like the first time in years, there are eyes actually looking _at_ him, not through him. He feels as though he is being stopped short, the man peering straight into his soul and offering a smile that holds a few too many words for Changbin to be comfortable. He swallows around the lump building in his throat and nods in recognition. He still bears some of the injuries from the days before.

"What can I get for you?" He asks quietly, breaking the eye contact. His eyes slide shut and he hopes that the cap from his uniform covers it.

"What flavors do you recommend? We sort of like all ice cream," Changbin only recalls that is name is monosyllabic. He wishes he remembers what it is, but it feels rude to ask now so he ponders on the question.

"If you want something bright, the lime sherbet is good but if you want something richer, the dutch double chocolate pairs well with Hyunjinnie's lavender macaroons..." His face is flushing under the attention of the three beautiful boys, and he internally curses himself for being so damn bisexual. He intends to give them time to discuss amongst themselves for a little longer but before he can step back, the one who had been inside of the shitty apartment places a small envelope on the counter between them. Changbin raises an eyebrow.

"I don't think we were properly introduced before. I'm Minho, Chan's roommate, and Jeongin stays with us often," He indicates everyone as he speaks, and Changbin is secretly grateful but still confused, "We weren't sure how to repay you for helping the other two out before, but in that envelope are tickets to my dance team's recital. I know it's not much but it's the best we can do. Your friend works here too, right? Can you make sure he gets his ticket?"

"I...Yeah, Hyunjin works in the back, but you don't have to thank us, we really didn't do anything," Or rather, _Changbin_ hadn't done anything but he isn't willing to admit that aloud. He goes to slide the tickets back, but Chan picks them up first and lightly grasps Changbin's hand, laying the paper there with a dimpled smile. _Does he ever stop?_ Changbin wonders idly but wisely keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't know what to say- It isn't often anyone talks to him that isn't Hyunjin or his boss beyond the normal cashier-customer interaction, and he really can't remember how conversations work. It has been years since he properly spoke with someone he was not yet familiar with, and truthfully he doesn't think he was good at socialization even before. And how does one kindly reject a gift they do not deserve?

"Take them, I promise seeing Minho dance is worth it," Chan insists, fingertips warm on Changbin's cold skin. He feels a shiver go up his spine and he releases a tiny breath.

"Assuming he _can_ dance thanks to Channie hyung," Jeongin mutters from behind his hand, but it is loud enough for all four of them to hear and Changbin doesn't think anything of it until he sees the tips of Chan's ears turn red and Minho's surprised expression. _Oh._ Looking closer, he can definitely see some rather _rough_ looking love bites just under the collar of his shirt and a particularly dark one underneath his ear and it's sort of hot and Changbin's cheeks flare red. _Please tell me this hat is covering this_ , he begs no one in particular and Minho hooks an arm around Jeongin's shoulder, holding him a little too close and a little too tightly. Changbin wonders if this is what it's like to have more than one friend as Chan laughs as Jeongin's disgusted face as Minho whispers something into his ear.

" _Anyway_ ," Chan's smile is much less effortless but the blush on his cheeks makes Changbin want to blush even more furiously and he cannot _wait_ for this interaction to be over, "You should come. It'll be fantastic."

Jeongin snickers. Changbin is about two seconds away from quitting his job when Hyunjin calls his name from the back.

"What?" He is thankful for the distraction and apologizes to the trio, promising to return in just a moment to take their orders in a series of mumbles as he retreats to the kitchen. The envelope is still in his hand where Chan had been pressing it for an absurd length of time and he realizes now that he's taken it to the back with him, they have won and the tickets are in his possession. This doesn't mean he and Hyunjin have to go, but now he'll feel guilty if he doesn't and Changbin wishes that Chan was never able to see him because being a ghost is now all he knows and Changbin does not like this feeling of being seen. He starts to wonder why he has been craving it when it makes his stomach bubble up in strange ways.

 

"Oof," Felix says. Jisung turns right back around and tries to close the door but Felix shoves his foot in the way, smiling apologetically.

"You're an asshole," Jisung means it even if he knows his tone is unfortunately dripping with amused affection and Felix does too. The younger doesn't care in the slightest as he inspects the outfit his friend has chosen to head out in. They are going nowhere special, just back to that bowl noodle shop that Jisung still does not know the name of even though they are regulars and now Seungmin joins them for half of their meals. They have learned that the brunet goes to their rival school and spends his free time either helping out at his parent's restaurant (They rarely leave the kitchen, actually, and Seungmin takes care of the entire place lowkey), studying, or singing. Felix and Jisung _really like_ him, and Woojin too. He gives them discounts and never complains if Jisung comes in beaten to a pulp, even if it scares other customers away. They are not friends but they are something like that.

Either way, the colors of the outfit are clashing horribly with the healing bruises all over Jisung's skin and as Felix says,

"It makes you look like more of shit than normal," He earns himself a solid punch to the arm for that comment, but gets himself back in Jisung's good graces with a heart meme and finds himself smothered in the older's affection yet again. Felix instead picks him out an all-black outfit and _yeah_ , Jisung is sort of avoiding that because it gives him a delinquent vibe, but he does admit that it sort of makes him blend in more rather than have dark marks against brighter clothing. It doesn't make him happy but Jisung clings to Felix's arm as they leave the younger's house and make their way to the restaurant. They are chattering about everything and nothing and things are _fine_ until some of their classmates come into view. Jisung feels his heart jump into his throat and his hands begin to shake. Felix notices the way he stops laughing, and looks up from his phone. When he does so, he makes eye contact with Choi Seungyeol, who happens to enjoy making Jisung's life hell at school.

Before Felix can manage to take him and slip away, Seungyeol takes on a dark grin and somehow seems to materialize in front of them, his group of friends not far behind. Instinctively, Jisung wants to cower but he doesn't, instead keeping a neutral expression even as the bully gets into his face.

"Han, Lee, what are you two doing here?" Seungyeol sneers, crowding them into the wall despite Felix's outraged cry, "Coming out of hiding to fuck in public or some shit?"

"We're just _out_ , Choi, like anyone else. What, did you come out here to fuck your girlfriends?" Jisung indicates the pretty girls behind him with a raised brow, "If so, hey, go for it. Felix and I could always use some company."

He hates his mouth sometimes. Felix deserves better than to be dragged into this shit, and he definitely deserves better than what Jisung is implying. When he says things like that, it ropes his best friend further into his problems and makes life at school harder for him, too. His cheeks are flushing but he does not back down, knowing that he is going to spend that Saturday night begging Felix for forgiveness he isn't going to think he needs to give. Seungyeol's face reddens in anger and Jisung just hopes he isn't going to hit him in the right side because it already hurts badly enough, but before he can even speak any more harmful words, there is someone pushing their way between them.

"Hey Jisung hyung, Felix hyung, my parents shut down the shop today," Seungmin's back is to the sizable group of teenagers that are threatening the duo. He doesn't seem concerned about them in the slightest and Jisung is legitimately impressed. _How can he do that?_ Something light and warm flutters in his heart as the younger continues speaking, "I knew you were coming so I figured I could take you to my favorite ice cream place. Come on, let's go."

"Where the fuck are you going?" Seungyeol blurts out, confusion all over his stupid face. Jisung grips Felix's hand, but strangely he doesn't feel too fearful. Seungmin raises a critical brow.

"Since you were standing so incredibly rudely close to my conversation, I can assume you know we're going to get some ice cream," He scoffs, waving his hand dismissively as he herds the other two away from the wall. Jisung is blinking in shock as he is effortlessly removed from the situation, and he sincerely hopes he looks less dumb than Choi Seungyeol in that moment. Seungmin still has a hand on each of their backs when he finally comes to his senses and stops short, turning to look at him. He says nothing but gestures wildly, and the younger's face morphs into one of confusion, "What?"

"I- You just-"

"Where the hell did you _come_ from?" Felix says, a grin blooming on his face, "That was so _badass_! Oh my God, why was no one recording that, I want that scene _imprinted on my coffin_ I'm actually screaming-"

"I was looking for you guys," Seungmin shrugs, and Jisung notes for the first time he is wearing dorky rounded gold glasses that suit him really well. A smile tugs at his lips, "Like I said, my parents decided to suddenly take the day off and I knew around the time you two planned on coming in, so I figured I'd come find you and treat you to some ice cream. I got paid yesterday so it's my treat."

"Kim Seungmin is treating us, what have we done to deserve this?" Jisung raises his hands towards the sky and shouts dramatically, face crinkling with laughter. Seungmin rolls his eyes but there is a hint of a smile. He jerks his head to the right and he sees the sign for a pretty little ice cream parlor. His eyes brighten further and Felix strolls in without a second thought. Seungmin nods him in next, and immediately Jisung falls in love with the little place. There is nothing particularly outstanding to look at, but it smells fantastic and something in the atmosphere feels just _amazing_. He immediately makes his way over to the display case of flavors, but before he can focus on that a boy comes out from the back and Jisung is _stunned_.

This boy is around his age, with an angular face and a larger nose, but somehow it suits his pretty monolids and plump lips. Jisung swallows thickly, because _damn_ that is a man he is attracted to right here and now and Felix is already giving him a look that he tries to wave off. Seungmin watches their interaction with amusement and steps up to the counter.

"Hey Changbin hyung, has Hyunjin hyung baked anything really good today?" With a start, Jisung realizes that this boy- Changbin- Is not used to being directly addressed very often because he is blinking in surprise and looks behind him like there is someone else to be talking to. His lip is caught between his white teeth suddenly, but he nods.

"He made churros that go nicely with the cinnamon banana ice cream," His voice sounds like it is trying to swallow itself back up and it is fascinating to listen to. Jisung wants him to keep talking so he can listen to the intoxicating sound of it. Without realizing, he has been leaning closer and suddenly the boy is looking straight at him and their faces are unnaturally close.

"Shit, sorry, I just-" Jisung cuts himself off because there is no straight explanation for that and he knows it. He thinks Felix is laughing behind his hand. Changbin's cheeks are pink too, but he doesn't seem disgusted so that's a good enough start in Jisung's book to somehow save himself, "I, um. Can I have a chocolate cone with two scoops of cheesecake flood?"

_What the fuck._

No, Jisung is ruining all of his chances and he wants to crawl back into Felix's bed. He is nearing tears because that is definitely not what he wants to say to the cute ice cream boy but said cute ice cream boy is nodding and punching it into the register without much reaction. As he mourns his own "panicked gay self" as he knows Felix will tease him later, the other two order and Seungmin does in fact pay. He is hardly calming down when Changbin makes his cone and makes eye contact with him over the case. The boy hands it off to him, and Jisung's fingers brush Changbin's through his plastic gloves and it makes him rush out a heavy breath. He takes his ice cream cone and retreats to the counter where he can watch this Changbin work because he cannot stop staring even as Felix teases him and Seungmin smiles like he is the actual sun.

 

Hyunjin makes Changbin go to the dance recital, and his family does not even glance his way as he leaves the house at nearing ten o'clock. He is still not surprised. It still stings. Half of his room is covered in boxes and he is starting to wonder if they are trying to trap him in or kick him out- He cannot tell, but he is patting away tears as he walks to Hyunjin's place. The younger has insisted on at least giving him some quick eyeliner before they leave together because he apparently "needs to look his best." Changbin isn't sure why but he doesn't care, so long as they can finish up attending the event as soon as possible. He does not like going out around so many other people.

If it weren't for Hyunjin and the way Chan had been so insistent about him taking the tickets, he would be sleeping right now.

As it is, he is now eye-linered and walking through the front doors with Hyunjin. The tickets are reserved seating, so Changbin assumes Minho must be a pretty good dancer and hopes that the performances will make the whole bothersome trip worth it. Hyunjin is looking at their tickets closely and directs Changbin with a series of tugs and yanks more than words until they finally find their spots. He isn't sure why Chan and Jeongin being there in the spots next to theirs surprises him- Clearly the tickets are the kinds you get for your family and friends in a specified amount and it only makes sense that they are together. Still, he _is_ surprised and quickly finds himself seated next to Chan who holds up a hand to indicate he will greet them in a moment as he speaks in English on the phone. Changbin can make out some words and phrases, but nothing to make out the conversation and he settles back, looking at the stage. Jeongin hasn't even noticed them- He has earbuds in and his eyes are closed.

He wonders if that leathery, masculine scent is Chan's cologne or something else. Whatever it is, it makes him squirm a bit and he shifts, running a hand over his mouth. Hyunjin is scrolling on his phone, and Changbin spots a few pictures of his dog Kkami. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head affectionately, but when he turns he meets Chan's gaze head-on and he nearly chokes at the beautiful shine in his eyes. The older offers a smile, the same way Changbin has quickly learned he always does, and shoves his phone in his pocket.

"I'm glad you came," Chan has a bit of an accent, Changbin has come to notice through his few visits to the ice cream parlor. Minho sometimes calls him Chris so he knows that he must be from somewhere else, but being the person he is he does not ask, "You too, Hyunjin!"

"Oh, the hyungs are here!" Jeongin finally speaks up and tugs out his earbuds. His braces are on full display as he laughs, "I thought you might not come. I was worried Minho hyung would be disappointed~ Channie hyung too, of course."

"Why would Chan be disappointed?" Changbin asks, "It's not his performance."

"He wanted to see you outside of your work, duh," Jeongin gives him a strange look, like he was actually supposed to know that. Changbin is glad that the seating area is fairly dark because he can feel how warm his face is and he does not like it. He angles his head downwards, and he knows all three of his- What are they, companions?- Are looking at him, "We only ever see you in your work clothes. You're stunning with eyeliner, by the way."

"I'm- Me?" Changbin points to himself for extra emphasis, because he has lost all track of this conversation and he knows that the youngest cannot mean that compliment for him.

"Yeah," Chan answers in place of Jeongin. He seems a little breathless, Changbin notices, and he wonders if he is too hot in his jacket, "It really suits you. And so does that outfit- You look really good night, Changbin."

"Thank you," He murmurs, but thankfully before this horrifying conversation can continue, the lights over the audience dim even further and the crowd cheers. Hyunjin grasps his hand and squeezes it briefly- He can probably feel how uncomfortable Changbin is with the compliments and attention, and he breathes a sigh of relief. He can finally focus on the performance, and he waits for the dancers to take their starting position in the dark. The music begins, quiet but with a desperate sort of air to it and suddenly the spotlights go on, highlighting the dancers. Changbin can pick Minho out the moment he starts moving, because he so clearly outshines the rest. His movements are precise but fluid, full of charisma and he surely could be filling the whole stage on his own right now. No offense to his dance team, but Changbin wishes he was.

The music is becoming more dangerous and the energy is becoming heavier. His breathing picks up as he watches Minho's eyes lock onto Chan all the way from the stage as he rolls his body and snaps his hips. Changbin cannot blame the older for the small sound he releases at the sight but it also makes him hot all over and this whole performance is way too sexual and enthralling and he shifts in his seat again. It is definitely Chan's cologne he smelled earlier and he clenches his fingers a bit.

This is not what he signed up for, and he cannot tear his eyes away anyway. Changbin cannot decide if he is more grateful or regretful of his choice to show up, because he is way too into this for his own comfort. The song ends with a killer shake of the hips and the dancers freeze in place as the lights shut off. He hears Hyunjin mutter a _holy shit_ but already they have taken their new places. Some dancers have left the stage and others have joined, and the next song is much more hip-hop oriented. Changbin is thankful because he needs to calm down, and even better, none of the other performances are quite like that. He still feels a little dizzy and out of place as Chan and Jeongin lead them to the area where they are meeting Minho.

 _Damn_ , if the first thing Changbin thinks when he sees him, because Minho's hair is mussy and slick with sweat, his body is taut with energy, and he can clearly see bruises that look much more like fingers rather than love bites on his throat. He cannot even look at Chan because he knows it is the older's doing and Seo Changbin is so flustered he could melt away. He grasps Hyunjin's hand and doesn't look at Minho as he is greeted. He compliments him and promises to come again, but really, Changbin wants to go _home_.

 

Chan is half-asleep with Minho sweaty in his arms. Tonight was slow and more intimate than usual, and it makes his heart twist a bit as he thinks about it. He's pretty sure there were tears in there somewhere, and he presses a kiss to Minho's hair. The younger mumbles something he cannot distinguish and he laughs, squeezing him closer. He loves Minho dearly. It was Minho whom he first met when he was kicked to the streets, Minho who offered him food and a place to sleep on the coldest nights, Minho who helped him improve his Korean, Minho who moved out of his house at eighteen to live in this shitty apartment with Chan so he would have a place to call home. Minho who took beatings with him and dealt with school bullies and shitty ex-boyfriends. Chan owes Lee Minho the world but he can only offer what most would describe as comfort sex and for now it is close enough. They are friends with benefits, sure, but first and foremost they are  _friends_. Nothing can change this simple fact. It is a truth.

There is a knock on their bedroom door and Jeongin opens it quietly, peering at them with eyes that shine in the moonlight. He is fidgety and Chan wonders if he had a nightmare.

"Hyungs, can you put on clothes so I can sleep with you?" Minho laughs through his nose at the blunt language but he struggles against Chan's arms to be let up. He holds him tighter briefly, inhaling the scent of sweat, sex, and flowery body wash before he lets go. He stretches his body and Jeongin waits patiently in the doorway as they pat around for their clothes in the darkness. None want to turn on the lights and ruin the generally sleepy atmosphere so they go blindly. Chan is fairly certain his boxers are backwards and he doesn't even bother with a shirt. With three bodies under the covers it will be far too hot. Speaking of...

"You don't want us to change the sheets?" He asks the youngest, who shakes his head.

"I just wanna lay down, who cares about the fact that your sheets are dirty  _again_? You guys don't wash them nearly enough, I think they're dirty half the time I sleep in here," He mutters, climbing into the bed. Chan shrugs at Minho who has decided to put on a shirt, and the two end up on each side of Jeongin. The youngest's face is tucked into Chan's shoulder, and Minho has an arm wrapped around his waist. Chan's heart flutters at the sight of his friends, his  _family_ so peaceful. Their faces are smooth, free from worries and they look positively angelic.

He loves this. His hand laces with Minho's, and he is ready to drift off again when Jeongin speaks up. He can feel his lips moving against his skin with the words.

"Channie hyung, don't you like Changbin hyung?" It isn't what Chan is expecting him to say, but he ponders the question for a few moments. He cannot lie, there is certainly something intoxicating about Seo Changbin. They have not met all that long ago,  but he is beautiful and when Chan sees glimpses of his personality, he is enamoured. Beneath that heart that is trying to disappear, there is someone bright and funny, cute and loving. He sees it when he watches Changbin with Hyunjin. He is all skinship and laughter and small smiles that suit him. Sometimes, Chan is lucky enough to elict laughter from Changbin himself, but more often than not their encounters leave both of them blushing messes. This doesn't stop him from visiting the younger at work nearly every other day anyway. He hums thoughtfully.

"I think I probably do, yeah," He admits, even though it brings a little heat to his cheeks. It has been a long time since he had been crushing on anyone, "Why, Innie?"

"Then why are you still sleeping with Minho hyung?" It's a fair question, but it makes both of the older boys tense up.

"I...It's not a serious thing," Chan tries to explain, but he feels like the words aren't right. They feel wrong passing his lips, and he almost feels like he is hurting Minho and insulting their friendship when he says them, "Minho and I aren't exclusive, and even if we were, I don't _do_ exclusive like that. You know that, Jeonginnie. But, it's not like that at all, and besides, it's just a _crush_ on Changbin, it's not like I'm ready to rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to him."

"One, don't you dare pretend like your polyamory is all about sex. That's not you at all. Two, I think it makes Changbin hyung uncomfortable, the way you sleep with Minho hyung," He pushes, and Chan think he's right. He sees how the boy's eyes linger on the two of them and the visible marks, he remembers how Changbin refused to make eye contact on the night of the dance recital, especially after seeing the bruises his hand had left behind. And Jeongin has just called him out for sexualizing who he is. Chan feels nervous now. He swallows, but before he can voice _something_ , _anything_ , Minho speaks up.

"That probably just means he's interested in Channie back," Minho reasons, and his voice is not hurt or upset from what Chan can tell and he is grateful, "Really, though, it's all just casual. We can stop whenever. I don't know why you're bringing this up, though?"

Jeongin is silent for a few moments before he replies, giving Chan enough time to feel his heart rate increase, "...I don't like what the hyungs do. If it was about the sex and the pleasure, I wouldn't mind. But with you two it's about the pain. I don't think that's good. It scares me."

No one speaks for the rest of the night.

 

It's around three a.m. when Changbin throws on a hoodie and decides to leave his house for a walk. This is something he likes to do every few weeks. Very few people are out and he can feel the cold bite at him. It gives Changbin time to sort through everything in his head with little concerns. It's also ideal when he wants to take a break from writing lyrics to refresh himself. But today he is unable to sleep and so it is thinking time. So Changbin _think_ s _._ He still wants to move out even though he has denied Hyunjin's offer. He wants it to be on his own terms entirely, with his own money or at least as much of it as he can manage. He knows his family does not love him anymore, and he thinks somewhere inside of him he is still longing for their affection again. Perhaps he is avoiding moving out because if he does, he will make things final.

If he leaves, Changbin doesn't think he'll see his family again.

 _But is that such a bad thing?_ His own question burns him. He wonders if he still loves them but decides that is not an avenue he wants to go down just yet. He laughs through his nose at his next thought- _Oak's words echoed...There is a time and place for everything, but not now._

He remembers when life was simpler and he could enjoy those games without worrying about a thing. Now he is an adult with a job and a life to live. Being an adult has not made Changbin grow up that much, though; he still needs Gyu to sleep, he cries himself to sleep when he's overwhelmed, and he gets unreasonably angry and upset over unfair things. Changbin is wishy-washy and always changes his mind about what he wants. He still doesn't know how to handle himself around people he's attracted to or someone he has a crush on. Most of the time he still can't even distinguish when he has a crush. He's pretty much still useless in all aspects that aren't lyric-writing and he only does this as a hobby.

Changbin likes to write lyrics. They give him a place to pen down his most intimate and inner thoughts, ones that he is sometimes otherwise too afraid to face. It's also just...Fun. There aren't many things that he does for fun, for pleasure. Changbin lives his life simply in the shadows, where people cannot see him. He was made into a ghost and he is playing his part. Except now there are more people than just Hwang Hyunjin seeing him these days, and it is unnerving. Bang Chan comes into the ice cream parlor more often than not, sometimes accompanied by Jeongin and sometimes accompanied by Minho. He likes them all, he does- They're genuinely nice and funny, even though Jeongin is a brat nine times out of ten, and Minho likes to make snarky comments, and Chan...

Chan makes him _blush_. He looks at him with that dimpled smile and speaks offhanded compliments and embarrasses himself so often that Changbin sort of pities him in an affectionate sort of way. He would probably appreciate his attempts to socialize a bit more if they didn't always leave Changbin flustered, too. But they do and so he always finds himself hoping Hyunjin will switch off with him so he can work in the back when the older shows up. He is never that lucky. Briefly he wonders if he even really wants that.

Besides those three, there is someone else who has begun to _see_ him. He is a friend of Seungmin's- Seungmin has become a regular at the parlor, and his name is Han Jisung. He is a senior in high school and he never fails to show up with some sort of new bruise or out of breath like he has just run a mile or two. Sometimes he shows up with his friend Felix, but really he likes to show up alone after what Changbin assumes is school, order a bowl of ice cream, settle himself on the counter, and bother Changbin as he does his homework. He, surprisingly, doesn't mind this interaction as much. Perhaps it is because he is older by a year, but he feels sort of inclined to listen to what Jisung has to say. He complains a lot about schoolwork and shows Changbin a lot of memes and cute animal videos. He's pretty sure that underneath the slew of bruises and cuts that he has a beautiful face.

Changbin worries about Jisung, even though he always seems so bright. He never alludes to his problems, and most of the customers look at him like he is a delinquent, but he thinks he knows better. There is no way the kid who laughs over chickens on axes and singers (Who strangely enough bear a resemblance to Jeongin) who look like Venus fly traps and likes to order cheesecake flood on a chocolate cone is a _bad kid_. There is always something nervous inside of him, the way his eyes dart around like he is expecting the world to fall apart around him. Changbin feels a tug in his chest to protect Jisung from that, and so he never asks the hard questions he so desperately wants to. He just has this feeling that Jisung is being wronged in the world, and this belief is furthered when Felix accompanies him and shields the other from view of everyone in the shop.

He sighs.

It's still cold out.

 

Chan walks into the ice cream parlor with the peach colored sign on a mission. He wants Changbin to know exactly what he thinks about him, but he also wants to make the whole of his sexuality clear. He knows that it is important to define himself as polyamorous before anything, because he does not want to deal with another ex who leaves him with the slurs of "whore" and "greedy" being tossed around again. The memories make him grimace but he quickly schools his expression. He needs to make a good impression this time, because he's pretty certain that he scares Changbin more than he attracts him and Chan isn't... _Cool_ with that. He genuinely likes the younger and even if they don't end up as a couple, he wants to be his friend. From what he can see, Hyunjin is his only friend and he has no one else backing him up. Chan wants to change that. It makes his heart ache, the way Changbin seems to never believe someone is looking at and talking to him.

It is almost like he thinks he isn't deserving of it. Or, maybe, he has been made to feel that way and he is tired of fighting it.

Either way, Chan wants him to know that he is seen, and he is cared for. And hopefully he can get a date out of it.

He walks up to the counter with confidence, all smiles and a cute wave to Changbin who immediately flushes and looks down, trying to hide it with the uniform's hat, "Hey Changbin. How are you today?"

"I'm alright," He answers without looking up, "What would you like today, hyung?"

"Hm~ Pick me your favorite?" Chan suggests, leaning closer to him on his elbows. He notices the way Changbin is biting his lower lip harshly again and it tugs a worried sigh from him. _Fuck it_ , Chan decides and daringly reaches forward, softly grasping the younger's chin and with his thumb, he pulls the tortured skin from the tight grasp. It is bright red and a bit mangled from abuse, but it is soft and he takes his hand back, tilting his head at Changbin's stuttering, "You're going to seriously hurt yourself like that, you know? It worries me."

"...I'm sorry," Changbin replies, and he moves away slighty from the register, pulling on a plastic glove as he punches something into the machine. He has not moved entirely away from Chan and he wants to sigh in relief. He hasn't scared him away.

"Don't be, just try to keep it in mind, okay?" The younger nods and puts on the other glove, setting to work on making some sort of amazing looking ice cream bowl. Chan is pretty certain that whatever he is making, it will probably put him in a sugar coma by the end but it is going to be worth it, especially if he can't score this date because either Changbin rejects him over not liking him, or over the whole polyamory thing. He feels more and more nervous as he thinks about it, because truly he hasn't liked someone like this in a long while. He can feel the acid in stomach, and his hands shake as he pulls out his wallet. Chan swallows spastically, looking at Changbin as he works. He is so focused, and he really likes the look in his eyes. He looks _alive_.

Nothing significant happens between them as Chan pays, and he sort of curses his own cowardice as he sits at the counter near the register. He taps his fingers nervously and looks at Changbin who is simply tapping aimlessly at his phone. He takes in a quick breath and calls the younger's name, "Changbin."

"Yes? Is there something wrong?" Chan's voice has come out too low, too stiff and Changbin is looking at him apprehensively. He immediately shakes his head.

"No, no, I just- Um. I was wondering if we could maybe talk? There's something I want to ask you, or tell you," He is stumbling over his words but Changbin's undivided attention is making him nervous. Thankfully, he nods and slides closer to him, phone face down as he peers curiously at Chan, "Okay. Great. I just, wow, it's been a while but..."

Changbin does not pressure him to speak any quicker, and instead waits patiently. He seems genuinely curious and Chan feels his heart flutter a little under his gaze.

"Okay. I wanted to tell you that I _like_ you. As in, I have a crush on you," The words are actually surprisingly easy-flowing once they have burst past Chan's pink lips, and he observes Changbin's reaction intently. At first, there is nothing, but his face slowly changes as his cheeks pinken again. His eyes are wide and his bottom lip is being sucked on mercilessly. There is something akin to disbelief in the shift in his body language, and he quickly goes on, "And it's okay if you don't like me back. But I did come here today to ask you on a date- You seriously don't need to feel pressured, okay? It's okay for you to tell me no if you don't want to."

"A date?" Changbin whispers the words like they are foreign, but he finally, _finally_ looks into the older's eyes and they are beautiful.

"A date," Chan confirms with a shy grin. His heart is racing so badly he can feel it in his fingertips. He is pleasantly surprised- The boy is not taking this poorly at all, really, and suddenly he thinks that he might even have a chance at this. _If the next part doesn't ruin it first_ , he concedes to himself, "Before anything else, I wanna know if you'd even be a _little_ interested. It doesn't have to be serious at all. We can just go on a date for fun, and if we're both into it, maybe more. It's only a one-night commitment though."

Changbin's fingers are dancing on the cool plastic counter, and he seems to be mouthing words to himself. His normally-neutral expression is going through a series of unidentifiable changes, and it's _adorable_. Chan had never even considered such cute habits being a thing from Changbin. His breath puffs out in amusement, quietly enough that the boy doesn't notice. He waits patiently with a half-smile as Changbin tries to convince himself to answer one way or another. As the time passes, Chan is actually becoming more and more confident that he'll at least get an initial yes even if it doesn't stay that way. He licks his lips and takes another bite of ice cream, and Changbin snaps to attention. He raises a brow at the determined expression.

"I think that would be nice," His voice is tight and unsure, but Chan nods thoughtfully, trying to push down the butterflies in his chest.

"Before you agree though, I want to make something about me clear. I'm polyamorous- You know, more than one partner? It's not like I'm seeing anyone else, but like, if this _does_ turn serious, though I'm not saying it will, I just want you to know now that it could come that I like someone else, too, " He tugs at the collar of his shirt, coughing. He thinks slightly of Minho which makes in uncomfortable for a reason he can't indentify, "I want to know if you're okay with that before anything else."

Changbin takes a few moments to respond, but not nearly as many as Chan had thought it would take, "That's okay. I'm not... _Opposed_ to more than one partner, either."

Chan is more than surprised, shocked really, at the boy's shrug.

"Besides, for now it's just one date, right?" He can see the younger actually _smiling_.

His heart definitely skips a beat.

"Just one date."

 

 _Oh_. After hearing Chan's confession, Changbin suddenly finds himself understanding all of their awkward interactions a little more, and beyond that, he realizes that  _he_  has a crush on Chan, too. His heart had skipped a beat when he heard the words _I like you_  and he recalls being in high school and dating Min Hyunsik for four months and Kim Jinah for six. It takes some convincing of himself, because he has not dated in so long but he knows that he never stops staring at Chan's dimples and that he feels some sort of racket in his stomach when the older is near, and though it has taken him some time he knows that it means something. He gets why Hyunjin wanted him to look his best and why Jeongin said Chan would have been disappointed if he didn't show, and Seo Changbin doesn't want to be a ghost forever. He and Chan exchange numbers before the older leaves the parlor, and before Changbin can even go to wipe off a counter, Hyunjin is hanging off of his shoulders.

"Did you really just get a date, hyungie?" He sounds so  _happy_ , and it makes Changbin feel a little bad. Before he can linger on the feeling, he comes face-to-face with the younger's electric smile, "I'm so happy. I always knew Chan hyung liked you! You  _deserve_  this."

"One, where did you come from, brat? Aren't you supposed to be working in the back?" He begins amusedly, "And two, what do you mean I "deserve" this?"

"I always listen in when Chan comes in, it's hilarious watching him fail at flirting with you," Hyunjin is smirking now, and it suits his handsome face too well, "Two, you deserve to have  _fun_. To live a little. And maybe you can even get a boyfriend out of this. Wouldn't that be exciting?"

Changbin blushes and shoves Hyunjin back into the kitchen. He wants to finish out his shift in peace, and it is a slow day. He spends most of his time on his phone, and it is almost six o'clock when the door opens and Jisung walks in. It is one of the rare occasions that he is not wearing his school uniform and instead is dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a yellow t-shirt that shows off a myriad of bruises on his arms, and he is not smiling. This is unusual and a dark worry swells in Changbin's chest. When the younger looks up, there are unshed tears in his eyes and it takes his breath away. He may not be a people person, but there is something undeniably  _wrong_  with Jisung and he shakes his head as the high schooler steps up to order. The action is apparently threatening to him, because his mouth snaps shut and he flinches back. Something sharp hits Changbin in the stomach at the sight of it.

"Jisung, why don't you sit down on the couch? My shift is ending in just a few minutes, I'll make you something to go. It's on me. I think we need to talk, okay?" He tries to use a soothing, friendly tone. He wants to avoid this conversation but he can't stand by any longer, and the boy's head tilts down. It physically pains Changbin to watch him walk away, because he is dragging himself with every step. Han Jisung is dead in a much different way than Seo Changbin, he realizes. Changbin is dead because he has been erased- Jisung is dead because someone is killing him. He feel sick to his stomach as he crafts the most beautiful bowl of ice cream he can imagine. There is cheesecake slide, chocolate malt crunch, and sweet cream ice cream, topped with chocolate and vanilla baton cookies, Oreo crumbles, brownie bites, chocolate sauce, and the pretty edible sugar flowers Hyunjin likes to make. Changbin glances at Jisung who is staring at scraped hands and adds a chocolate cone and a whole corner of gummy bears. It ruins the aesthetic but it feels right. He makes himself a simple bowl with coffee ice cream and bits of a candy bar before biding his coworker Yubin farewell.

Jisung's eyes find his instantly when he comes close, and he is offering Changbin a wobbly smile that breaks his heart.

"Let's go somewhere," He offers softly, and he doesn't need Jisung to reply. The teenager is pressing to his side as they walk to the park Changbin likes to hang out at with Hyunjin. His body is warm, and there is something inside of Changbin that is speaking to him. He cannot make out the words, and he honestly doesn't care. He just wants to help make Jisung  _okay_  as they sit on the planters. He silently hands him his ice cream bowl.

"Thank you, hyung," He speaks for the first time, and his voice is hoarse. Breaking. Still, his smile is a bit more genuine, "It looks really yummy!"

"I wanted it to be something you could enjoy," Changbin wants to offer a smile back, but he settles for an affectionate laugh through his nose. Their knees are touching and his eyes slide closed, "Jisung, I didn't want to bring it up. I wanted the parlor to be a safe place for you, but this is...I want to be your friend, and I want to know what's happening. Don't let me force you, but this...It isn't okay."

Jisung is silent. He has taken a large bite of ice cream, and the spoon is being held in his mouth as his hands grasp around the bowl and his eyes look at the sky. His head is titled back. The sun is setting and it is getting darker. Changbin nervously takes a bite himself. The sweet taste coats his tongue but it is thankfully not overwhelmingly sweet. If it was, he thinks he would be puking right now. Nerves are bundled tight in his stomach, and all of his muscles are tense.

"It's school," Jisung says finally, "I had a friend I trusted. He screwed me over. I told him I was androsexual and he posted it on the front page of the school website. Since then, this has been happening."

Changbin's ears are rushing with blood and his mouth has fallen open. The grip on his spoon is loose now and his chest is rising and falling much too quickly. He shakes his head, _why isn't anyone at home doing something about this_ , and he realizes he is speaking, "That's not fair. You deserve better. That's not  _fair_."

"It's okay, hyung. I manage," But Jisung's smile is tired, "Felix and my friend Woojin hyung, they've stuck by me. I have them. I have you."

The words  _I have you_  linger in the air because they are true. Changbin does not wipe away the hot tears coursing down his cheeks, because they are for Jisung and he deserves them and more.

 

"I think I fucked up," Jisung says to Woojin as he walks into the older's apartment. The blond raises an eyebrow, "I made him cry. I felt like  _shit_. I shouldn't have gone there when I felt that bad. Oh my fuck."

"I'm impressed Han, making your crush cry before you even know his birthday," Woojin's voice is light but his presence is firm and comforting as he leads the distraught Jisung to his favorite loveseat. He is shaking, eyes darting all over the place like he is trying to find an answer in the clean little place. He thinks there is a real lump in his throat because he cannot swallow past it, and he hardly registers it when the older says that he is making them tea and to just breathe. It is the day after he confessed some of the truth to cute ice cream boy Seo Changbin, and Jisung has been freaking out since. Seeing the man cry beautiful, crystaline tears was horrifying, and it is all because of Jisung and he wants to shove the words back in his mouth. He wants to take back every step he took towards the parlor that evening, but his father, his _father_ , oh God he doesn't even want to think of the things he heard that day from the man's mouth-

He shuts his eyes and curls into himself. His ankles are crossed and his knees are pulled up to his chin where it rests. His teeth are clattering together and his arms wrap around his legs to keep himself messily put together. Jisung thinks if he can hold together all of the pasted bits that maybe the picture can be complete for a little longer. That's what he wants.

"Jisungie, just breathe," Woojin reminds and pets his hair. He is careful of the large knot on the back of it that he discovered two days earlier and presses a dry but warm kiss on the younger's temple. It is done with the lightest of pressure, though, because he does not want to aggravate any of the marks, and it makes Jisung's chest jump with a sob, "Hey, shh, Jisungie, hyung is here..."

"I know, I know," Jisung furiously wipes away his tears. He can hear the beeping of the electric kettle and he wonders how long he has been in his own mind. Woojin squeezes him in a one-armed hug before he moves to the kitchen, pouring the hot water into mugs. There is already tea bags inside and he returns quickly, pressing one into Jisung's hands. He inhales shakily, and it takes a few tries because his chest won't stop heaving, but he smells his favorite jasmine tea and a grateful smile tugs at his busted lips.

"Can you tell me what happened?" As always, Woojin is not one to wait around and their socked feet tangle as they press themselves against opposite arms of the loveseat. Jisung tilts his head up as he tries to hold back the tears. They are not sad one, or ones of pain, but more of embarrasment and regret. He hates himself sometimes- From day one, he has been fucking up with Changbin and he just _hates_ it. He's useless. Woojin's hand finds his knee and he pulls his eyes to the blond who is waiting with a curious head-tilt. It is subtle encouragement as he takes a sip of his own tea. Jisung takes as deep of a breath as he can manage, and admittedly it isn't very much but it is enough to get him to start.

"My dad, yesterday, he was _so bad_ , hyung. The things he was saying to me, I-I really, fuck. _Fuck_. It w-was horrible and then he grab-bed me by the arm and he actually _threw me against the wall_ and I was _scared_ so I _left_ ," He is rushing it out now, because if he doesn't Jisung knows he won't make it through the story. He tries not to look at the darkened expression on Woojin's face, because it makes him feel guilty. Woojin is peaceful, he doesn't like violence, but when it comes to his friends he will do _anything_ , "I shouldn't have gone to the ice cream parlor but I did, hyung, and Changbin hyung was working. He saw me and he shook his head and I got scared and then he made me sit down because his shift was almost over. Woojin hyung, he made me the most beautiful and delicious ice cream I've ever had and he didn't even make me pay! I-I wanted to laugh and cry and I w-wanted to just _stop breathing_. He said he wanted to talk and he took me t-to a park, and I..."

Silence falls over them. He swallows thickly, but his throat spasms with dryness, and Jisung takes a drink of his steaming tea instead.

"You can do it," The words are simple but effective and so very much Woojin. Jisung nods with closed eyes.

"He asked me why I was always hurt- Not directly, but you know? It was obvious what he was saying, and I-I said I trusted the wrong friend and that school became like this," He laughs bitterly, "I was too much of a coward to tell him about my dad, and it's good too, b-because then he started to _cry_ and say it wasn't fair and _I fucking made Changbin hyung cry_."

Woojin is silent for a few moments. Jisung is breathing heavily. A smile curls on the blond's lips.

"Dumbass, you didn't make him cry. God, I thought you did something to _offend_ him- You're an idiot, Jisungie," Woojin shakes his head fondly, and Jisung gapes at him as he cheerily sipped at his cooling tea.

"What the fuck, hyung. I just poured my heart out to you and you're calling me a dumbass?"

"You are," He argues, "You didn't _make_ him cry. He cried _for_ you because of what you told him."

"That doesn't even make sense!" Jisung cries out, flinging one hand up. He definitely doesn't want to spill his tea, but now Woojin is being insufferable and he rightly deserves justice.

"It does," Woojin rolls his eyes, "It's not my fault you can't see it. He cried because he was _sad_ for you, not because you hurt him or anything. You know that's a huge difference, right? One is him caring for you, and the other is making him wonder why he would care."

Oh. _Oh_. Jisung swallows, narrowing his eyes as he mouths the words to himself. He rolls them over his tongue, tasting and trying them out to see how they feel. He recalls the way Changbin had insisted _You deserve better_ , and his mouth circles into an 'O' shape before his jaw falls slack again. Slowly, his face heats up all the way to his ears, and he tries to hide it as he takes a long drink of his jasmine tea. Jisung can feel Woojin's eyes on him and he pouts, looking up like a sulking child. He whines, " _Stop that_ , hyung. No, don't laugh at me, that's not fair, oh my _God_ -"

 

Chan meets Han Jisung in the late afternoon. He is walking back from dropping Jeongin off at the train station, and he is in a good mood. His hands are in his hoodie pockets and he is, for once, injury-free. Mostly, anyway- There is a stubborn bruise that isn't leaving his ribs but he is overall pleased and he has a date with Changbin on Thursday. They'll be going to a noodle shop the other apparently really likes. The air is sweet-tasting, and he wonders why he's being so cringey when he accidentally runs straight into someone as he turns the corner. They both tumble backwards, and Chan lands harshly. However, it is clear by the cry of pain from the other person that he has landed way worse, and so he puts his bruised tailbone in the back of his mind and scrambles on his hands and knees to whoever he has crashed into. The boy is wearing a white dress-like shirt, slacks, and is holding a school uniform jacket, and Chan winces.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" He apologizes, but suddenly he recognizes the tenseness of the younger's muscles and the way his jaw is clenching. It is all too similar to what he does when he has been beaten so badly he can hardly breathe through the pain, and as he really _looks_ at the boy, he can see why. His exposed skin is mottled with blues, blacks, purples, yellows, and greens and Chan can see more than a few scabs and cuts. His bottom lip is particularly busted, and the older is willing to bet that there are even more ones hidden out of sight. These marks spark anger in him, but he tries to soothe it, "Hey, hey, just try to breathe, okay?"

The student's eyes are still squeezed shut, and he thinks he sees tears beginning to leak through them. Some passing women are looking at them strangely and Chan curses under his breath. If word of this gets back to certain ears, he worries that he'll find himself stumbling into more trouble with assholes than he's willing, and so he carefully extends his hand forward.

"I'm going to touch you, okay?" Chan warns as he runs his other hand through his silver hair. The teenager doesn't show any outward signs of rejection and so he moves forward with his plan, placing the hand lightly on his shoulder. He tugs the shirt collar to the side a little, trying to get a better look at the skin underneath to see where is safe to touch and where is not. His fingertips dance light on top of the unmarked skin, massaging soothing circles into the tensed muscles as his right hand comes to grasp the strangers. They are torn with new and old abrasions alike, but he intertwines their fingers anyway, "We're going to stand up now, okay? On three. One, two, three-"

He helps the boy up, but he immediately tips into the wall of the store next to them. Chan's expression contorts at the whimper that drops from his torn lips and he knows that he cannot part like this. He will never be able to get the student out of his mind if he does that, so he cautiously shuffles forward. He does not want to scare the brunet, because he knows from experience that anyone with those injuries is not in a good situation somewhere or another and it causes a lot of fear. He is proven right when he comes into the stranger's field of view again and he flinches back. It makes Chan's breath catch in his throat, but he continues forward anyway.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, just breathe, okay? I just want to help, I'm not going to do anything," Chan remembers how the words "hurt you" used to trigger him, back when he was still on the streets with Minho feeding him on his back porch, so he doesn't use them. He leans down, picking up the boy's schoolbag which has been laying on the ground since they collided. He notices that there are Doraemon and Pokemon pins on them, and it tugs a sad smile to his lips. Yes, this is definitely a kid he's dealing with, even if the colored strip on his uniform jacket that is still bunched in his tight fist shows he is a senior. He holds it out for the other to take when he is ready, and after a few, deeper breaths, he does. For the first time, they make eye contact, and Chan feels fireworks go off underneath his skin. It is different than the electricity he felt looking into Changbin's eyes for the first time, but just as strong and his mouth goes a little dry.

The teen offers a smile to him, and even though it is rough around the edges it is beautiful.

"Thank you, I'm sorry about that," He bows, but Chan is quick to bring him upright. He worries about what is hidden underneath that white shirt.

" _I'm_ sorry, I should have been more careful but my head was in the clouds. Are you alright?" Chan tries to tuck away his fluttering stomach and focus on the issue at hand. He is genuinely concerned for the boy, who simply nods without a change in his expression, "I'm Bang Chan. You are?"

Because Chan cannot just let them stop at this one interaction. Everything in him is screaming not to. It reminds him so much of Changbin but at the same time it is all different and his head is spinning but he wants to _help_. But the boy seems to take it in stride.

"I'm Han Jisung! I'm a student at-" He waves his hand vaguely behind him, but there is only one high school in that direction. Chan nods and peers at one of the cuts on Jisung's lower lip. It is bleeding sluggishly and he clicks his tongue, digging through his messenger bag until he finds his travel medical kit.

"Here, let me just-" He holds up a packet that contains a sterile gauze pad. Jisung seems startled but he explains quickly, "Your lip is bleeding."

"Oh..." Jisung gives him a considering look but he leans forward as permission, and Chan smiles. Gently, with the same tenderness that he has always taken care of Minho's wounds, he wipes up the dark blood and holds careful pressure. Jisung's eyes are focused in the fingers that are so close to touching him, and Chan swallows hard. He thinks that despite all of the swollen features, the boy is gorgeous, and so underneath them he is probably stunning. He licks his own lips and tries to ignore the way their breaths are mixing at their proximity. They do not speak, and when Chan is certain the bleeding has stopped, he gives the flesh a final careful swipe and pockets the gauze to toss later. Jisung's eyes are starry, and his smile is so real it is breathtaking, "Thank you, Chan-ssi!"

"Hyung," He corrects softly, and pulls out his notebook. He scribbles down his name and number, tearing off the page and handing it to the student, "If you ever need anything or want to talk or hang, you can call or text me there, alright? I actually need to get home. See you around, okay Jisung?"

Chan wishes he could stay, because Han Jisung's entire existence calls for him, but he has promised Minho lunch and he can't skip out on that.

 

"I thought you liked "Cute Ice Cream Boy Changbin hyung" or have I interpreted the word "crush" wrong?" Felix asks amusedly and Jisung kicks him in the shin. The younger bends over the side of his bed and whines dramatically, clutching at his leg like it has been stabbed through. Jisung is the opposite of amused, even if his lips are twitching up into a smile at his best friend's antics. Woojin continues to pet Felix's new kitten, Black Widow. She happens to be brown but Felix makes his own decisions and Jisung and Woojin apparently aren't allowed to judge. Jisung sighs through his nose.

"I do!" He defends, because yes, he knows how _ruined_ he is for Seo Changbin, "But I'm just saying, Chan hyung- He told me to call him _hyung_ \- Was so sweet I thought I was going to overdose. A total sugar coma. He was like, really careful but not like, pitying or anything? When he saw all the marks? It sort of seemed like he knew what it was like even though he didn't know the situation and _fuck_ I thought I was going to pass out when he touched my lip."

"You're so not straight," Woojin pipes up from his place on the floor, "I'm literally so shocked I didn't notice before. I'm ashamed of myself."

"What a _mood_ ," Felix grins, flopping on he bed. He wiggles his fingers to call Black Widow to him, which she promptly ignores. His bright smile doesn't drop and Jisung considers him. Felix is beautiful- His hair is thick and luscious, his face is covered in freckles that call your attention to him, his lashes are long and his lips are perfect. If Jisung were to describe him as a person, he would probably choose something along the lines of a lame meme with the warmest, biggest heart the world has ever seen, and he is grateful to have Felix as his friend. Even if he likes to poke too much fun at Jisung, "Nah, but Jisungie, you sound just as lovesick as you did after meeting Chagnbin hyung. Do you have a thing for this new guy, too?"

"I, I don't know! I just, like, he made me feel...Safe," He whispers the last word, and the atmosphere becomes heavier. Jisung continues on anyway, "He said I could text him whenever so like, I have been, and his memes are _golden_ , guys-"

"Shit, did I hear memes?" Felix is up in an instant and Woojin laughs, curling around Black Widow.

"You know, polyamory is a thing~" Woojin sing-songs, and it sounds stupidly angelic coming from the vocal major, "Like, I once dated two people at once in a lovely consensual relationship. It was really great, actually. I genuinely had feelings for both of them, and it's not easy to find other people around you that are willing to have that sort of relationship. But after hearing you're androsexual, Jisungie, I've sort of felt like that suits you. It's just a feeling."

"Instead of a gaydar...A polydar?" Felix tries with a scrunched-up face, and this time Jisung does not conceal his laughter at the ugly expression. Felix slaps his thigh but he is laughing too, "Nah, what do you feel about it though? Like I can kinda see that, Jisung with two horrifying beautiful people that make him look ugly loving him up with the affection he absolutely, one-hundred percent deserves."

Felix is actually a terrible friend, but Jisung finds he doesn't dislike the idea at all.

 

Changbin is nervous but excited and it makes his stomach twist. He has spent all afternoon getting ready at Hyunjin's house, because the thought of his family seeing him leaving the house looking _nice_ makes him sick. They won't care or wonder and he hates it. But he won't let his family ruin this date with Chan. They're heading to Seungmin's parent's noodle bowl shop. It's a simple dinner date and there is no commitment and that makes Changbin more comfortable than he thought he would be. Hyunjin's little snide comments mixed in with the supportive, happy ones make the atmosphere as he gets ready much lighter. It helps untangle the knots in his stomach and Hyunjin knows it. Changbin is glad to have a friend like him in his life. Without the younger, he surely would have faded away for good by now. He grips Hyunjin's hand as the younger walks him to the shop.

"Hey, hyungie? You're gonna have fun. Don't be nervous," He advises with that grin Changbin is always so impressed by. He nods, and Hyunjin hesitates before pulling him into a brief but tight hug. He smells like powdered sugar and flour, and his hair tickles Changbin's nose as he pulls away. His expression twists at the feeling, and Hyunjin laughs, tapping his nose with a finger before lightly jostling his shoulder, "Go on ahead, and don't forget if anything goes badly, just send me any random letter. I'll come running."

"Like my prince?" Changbin asks.

"Like your prince," Hyunjin says.

Changbin leaves him and enters the shop. He immediately spots Chan who has already asked him what he wanted ahead of time and ordered, and as he makes his way over he catches Seungmin's eye. The boy has dyed his hair red, and it suits him amazingly so. He doesn't seem surprised to see Changbin, but rather gives him an encouraging smile and nod and it makes him all the more confident as he makes his way over. Chan sees him approaching and his whole demeanor changes. He was previously tapping his fingers on the tabletop, eyes clouded over and sucking on his cheek, but now he is smiling with deep dimples and his whole aura screams _inviting_. Changbin's heart beats a little faster.

"Changbin! How are you?" His lips tick up a little at the sound of Chan's light accent. He shrugs a little.

"I'm fine. You?" Changbin takes a seat across from Chan who runs a hand over his ear before playing with an open piercing.

"I'm...Good. I'm really glad to be here," He confesses, tilting his head as he considers Changbin. It reminds him of when he first walked into the ice cream parlor, feeling as though he is being stopped short and having his soul looked into. He feels his neck prickle, but he realizes it is not in a bad way and his fingers begin to play with the napkin he doesn't remember grabbing. Chan speaks again, "Did you know I've actually been here once before? I came with Minho one night after his dance practice."

"Really? I come here pretty often, especially since Seungmin," He waves his hand in the general direction of the counter. The actual teenager himself has disappeared into the kitchen, "Is a regular at the ice cream parlor now. Do you like it here?"

Today Seungmin is playing nature sounds, just like the night Changbin first came in and cried over his tonkatsu ramen. Somehow the memory doesn't make him as sad as he thought it would and he blinks in surprise.

"I do," Chan replies to the question softly, and there is a fond smile on his face. He looks up with clear eyes, "I think I'll like it more now that I've come here with you, though. Especially when you smile like that. You don't smile enough- It really suits you when you do."

Changbin doesn't know how to respond, but he knows his ears are burning as brightly as the butterflies are beating their fragile wings around in his stomach, and he is saved from having to formulate something when Seungmin walks over, two bowls in his hands. Judging by the smirk on his face, he has heard what Chan said and Changbin looks at anywhere but the younger's eyes, biting at his bottom lip a little. He glances by Chan's face and sees him looking at the caught lip with a drawn expression. His mind jumps back to when the older pulled his lip from between his teeth and despite it being his nervous habit, he releases the abused flesh with a tiny sigh. Seeing Chan relax and smile again absolutely makes it worth it.

 

At the end of the first date Chan and Changbin are planning a second. At the end of the second date, they are trying to prolong the inevitable parting. By the end of the third, Changbin has found it in himself to voluntarily touch Chan's shoulder, which makes Chan prouder than he thought possible. By the end of the fourth, Chan is starting to think that maybe their relationship is actually going somewhere. So when the fifth date ends with Changbin standing on the tips of his toes and giving him a quick hug, it is impossible to wipe the smile off of his face. He watches the younger walk down the street with a warm pounding in his chest before walking into his apartment building. When he enters the shared apartment, Minho is sleeping on the couch with Jeongin's head in his lap. His hand is on the younger's head as though he had been petting his hair until he drifted off. Judging by the dried tear tracks on the youngest boy's cheeks Chan sees when he squints in the dark room, he probably had been.

There is a guilted weight on his shoulders. He knows his life cannot revolve around his two friends, but he hates to not be there for them when one needs him. He sighs- _Innie at least had Minho with him_ _._ It is a comfort he will take, but there is that uncomfortable thought lingering in the back of his mind as he looks at Minho. He realizes that he doesn't want to examine it and it is quiet as he can be as he maneuvers around the tiny apartment. He is just taking of his jacket when his phone vibrates in his jeans pocket. Chan frowns because it is late and he hasn't the slightest idea who would be texting him at this time unless it is Changbin, but Changbin only texts him when he is home and he knows it takes longer than this to get there. He pulls it out and sees the name _Cutie Jisungie_ , and he swallows. They text frequently, enough for Chan to consider telling Changbin about him, but getting a text from him at this time is unusual. It is Wednesday and Jisung has class the next day, so he opens the text with hesitance. As he reads it, his heart rate increases.

_hyung, can we meet??_

Chan does not even think as he replies yes, pulling his jacket back on. Almost instantly, his phone vibrates again.

_sorry ik it's late. normal place?_

He is already on his way, hopping on one foot as he tugs his shoe back on. Jisung has not once talked about his circumstances but Chan knows that whatever they are cannot be good, and he always worries about him. To get a text at one in the morning is scary, terrifying even, and his heart is twisting painfully in his chest. The night is nipping at his ears but he doesn't care. The only thing on his mind is Jisung and Jisung's safety- It's too late for a high schooler to be on the streets alone at night and he can only think of the terrible possibilities as he nearly jogs through the dark streets. He doesn't like the images flashing through his mind, so when he sees the younger's curved posture leaning against the wall, a flood of relief so strong hits him that Chan can only wrap his arms around the skinny shoulders and bury his face in Jisung's neck.

Almost without hesitation, the boy's arms come up to wrap around his shoulders, and he feels Jisung's lips brush against his ear as he speaks. He smells blood on them.

"Hyung, are you okay?" The concern in his voice makes it sound higher than normal but all Chan can do is laugh incredulously.

"Am I okay? Are _you_?" Chan pulls back and gives him a once-over. Even with the bloodied lip Chan will actually say that he looks the best he has ever seen him injury-wise. For once, his face is not swollen and discolored all over and he does not see many new bruises leading underneath his clothes. He is not holding himself like it hurts to breathe- Instead he is holding himself like he is ready to collapse, and while that is concerning in itself Chan can finally see the cute, chubby cheeks, the bright brown eyes that are innocently wide, and Han Jisung is even more stunning than he has imagined. But despite not seeming to be too physically hurt, there is clearly something wrong with him and Chan cannot ignore it, "Jisung, seriously."

"I'm tired, hyung," Jisung yawns, and Chan watches the moisture build up in his eyes as he does so, "Can I lay in your lap and nap on a bench for a little while?"

It's a genuine question, Chan realizes before he can laugh. He has work in about five hours but he doesn't care about that as he takes hold of Jisung's hand and leads him to the closest bench, running his fingers through the soft hair of the boy in his lap as he hums a melody.

Chan is planning on quitting this job anyway.

 

"What do I do?" Jisung whines, laying on Felix's stomach. Tubs of ice cream are laying all over Woojin's floor and the older is half-asleep as he hangs off of his bed. He is taking up the whole space so the other two have retreated to the floor, glaring at him all the while. He remains unconcerned and does not even look at Jisung's cry, "Hyung, you could pretend to care!"

"I would if it wasn't a nonissue," He mumbles sleepily. Jisung tosses a stray cushion at him but Woojin just moans. He pokes his forehead repeatedly, ignoring Felix's snort until he replies again, "So he was comfy and let you sleep in his lap at one a.m. on a public bench, aweso- Okay actually that's a bit _weird_ but it's nothing for you to get worked up over. This is like that Changbin-crying dramatics again. He cared enough to come out at that time and didn't even ask about it when you wanted to nap in his lap. If he thought it was too weird, wouldn't he have just said _no_?"

" _He's too nice for that_ ," Felix mimics in a high voice that should never come from someone with a voice as low as his. Jisung sees him roll his eyes, "Literally if you scared him away, would he not have ignored your texts today? But he _didn't_. You're good, a-okay, ten outta ten."

Jisung knows that they are right but it doesn't make him feel any less nervous and embarrassed. He is on break from school and has spent all of his time between Felix's house and Woojin's apartment unless he is specifically called home. It's a nice feeling, to not be constantly cautious of how he moves and to wake up without pain flaring in his mind in an instant. Over time he has forgotten what such a thing is like, and to experience it again reminds him of what his life was like _before_ Lucas. The teenager pushes the dangerous train of thought away and notices that instead of lying on his arms, Woojin now has his phone out and is typing with a small grin tugging his lips up. He seems peaceful and Jisung admires it briefly- The oldest looks stunning when he is in his own little world, which he clearly is. He is curious and arches his back, tilting his head so he can meet Felix's eyes. They converse without words, expressions changing with each moment as one tries to convince the other to break the silence.

Jisung sticks out his lower lip and feels burning victory when Felix's face crumbles.

"Woojin hyung, what are you doing?" He finally asks, and is rewarded with a quick glance in his direction.

"Texting."

"Duh," Jisung rolls off of Felix's stomach, holding himself up on his arms.

"Who?" The youngest pushes.

"My boyfriend," Woojin replies and subsequently ignores the panicked, excited shrieking and scrambles to snatch his phone away from him.

 

Changbin realizes on a rainy Tuesday that he _really_ likes Han Jisung. The high schooler's face is looking significantly better than in the whole time they have known each other, but Changbin realizes this is in time with school breaks and it makes his chest twinge painfully. Jisung comes into the parlor often with his friends and occasionally Seungmin, and he never fails to distract the older. Be it with his laughter, his smile, the shyly mischievous sparkle in his eyes, Changbin has a hard time looking away. They meet regularly outside of the parlor to hang out as well, and one of those times is that rainy Tuesday when he leans forward onto his palm and finds Jisung staring at him.

The boy is beautiful, there is no doubt of that in Changbin's mind. The expression Jisung is wearing when he catches him staring is a work of art- He seems almost mesmerized, his shining cognac eyes wide with something that seems like wondered affection, his round cheeks pulled up a soft smile that ghosts at his parted lips. Knowing that it is _him_ being looked at this way makes Changbin's ears heat up, but at the same time it fills him with something...He wants to laugh at himself but the only way he can describe it is a sense of fulfillment and it's such a stupid feeling but it's his and, slowly, Changbin is learning how to accept his own feelings. He is _allowed_ to feel and be and exist, and it is people like Jisung who have taught him this. Everything inside of him is mixed up but pleasantly so.

Jisung is clueless, Changbin realizes. _He hasn't noticed that he's staring or that I caught him_ , and it's so endearing that he knows. He knows he likes Jisung and all of his overreactive gestures and sentimental poems he writes on napkins.

Seo Changbin also likes Bang Chan, though. He likes the way Chan brushes his uneven bangs out of his eyes and has a beautiful heart that's big enough to encompass the whole world.

The rain patters on the window of the café they are sitting in. It's cold, and Changbin can see Jisung's fingers trembling with little jitters from the temperature. He is tempted to lay his own hand over them but he resists, instead laying his palms face down on the table. It snaps the younger boy out of his staring spell and Changbin glances up at his pink cheeks with a fond quirk of his lips.

"So Jisung, do you have any other poems you want me to look at?" Changbin asks, saving him from the embarrassment of having to explain himself. Immediately Jisung's whole demeanor brightens and he digs through his bag.

"I'm _so_ excited, I think you'll totally love this one!"

 

When Chan walks into his apartment this time, he feels nervous and... _Sad_. His chest feels cloudy as he unlocks the front door, and his eyes take in every detail he can- The way the paint chips on the yellowing doorframe, the scratches from their old neighbor's dog, the fraying carpet that appears as he swings the door open. His movements are slow and his body is heavy as he drags it inside of the entrance. A sigh tears itself from him and he draws Minho's attention. The younger is in the dark kitchen with all of the overhead lights off, only the dim ones under the cabinets illuminating the small space. He is standing with a contemplative expression on his face, and when he hears Chan sigh he looks over his shoulder. The contemplative expression quickly turns to concern as his eyebrows furrow. The dancer turns and takes a step towards him, but Chan holds up a hand.

"Minho," He whispers, and his voice is raw. Chan thinks he might cry as he looks into the deep eyes of his best friend. He knows he shouldn't feel guilty about this, but he _does_ and it is tearing him up. His eyes find the dark purple bruises that litter Minho's collar bone and the half-healed split on his lip that, too, were caused by Chan's teeth. It hits him again and he stumbles forward. The younger tries to move forward again but Chan shakes his head, emphasizing his hand that is still outstretched. Minho is breathing heavily through his nose and there is confusion written all in his body language while Chan pulls his own hair in a tight fist.

"Hyung, what's _wrong_?" Minho's voice is hesitant, thick with emotion that makes him shiver. He isn't sure he can reply but he needs to, more than anything he needs to say what is on his mind even if it hurts them both.

"Minho, we can't... _Do this_ anymore," Chan breathes out, and it's like he is physically in pain as he watches the younger stiffen. It's almost imperceptible but Chan knows him better than anyone does and he realizes his head is aching with the tenseness of his muscles. His gaze doesn't leave the boy's throat as it spasms a swallow.

"What do you mean?" Minho's words are careful and calculated, light and hopping around to try and get a feeling of what the older is truly saying. There is almost a feeling of fear in his posture and Chan pulls at his hair more.

"This. Us. What Jeongin said, he was right, you know he was right-" Chan has prepared himself to speak his piece all evening. When he walked into the apartment he had it all planned out, everything that he needs to say but it's like none that matters now. The words are messy as they pour from his lips and into the space between them. He is rushing out breaths that make him lightheaded in all the wrong ways and his knees tremble beneath him. He wonders if they're going to be able to keep holding his weight, "When he said it was about the pain, he was _all right_ , this isn't right, is it? It's wrong. We're taking advantage of each other, aren't we Minho? We're just hurting each other. We can't do this. We can't. We need to stop, and then there's-"

"Breathe, hyung," He is ignoring Chan's outstretched arm, _no_ , not ignoring, he is lacing their fingers together, Minho's familiarly small hand gripping his as he glides towards him as fluidly as water. The pressure is so comforting even though he thinks he could be breathing all carbon dioxide instead of oxygen because his head is spinning. Minho's other arm comes behind his back and presses him firmly against his body. Minho's chin hooks over his shoulder and he maneuvers them so Chan's head is leaning against his own. He can smell the younger's flowery body wash on his skin and realizes his eyes are watering. Minho's thumb is stroking comforting circles over the middle of his spine, where his back always aches, "Just breathe. Everything's okay."

"It's not," His voice is shaking.

"It is," Minho insists, "Don't cry, hyung. It's alright."

"I've been _hurting_ you," Chan says. His whole world wants to break.

"Hey, let's not even pretend like it was one-sided. I took what I wanted and gave it back just the same," There is mirth in Minho's tone and Chan can't even imagine how, "We were two consenting adults who knew what we were doing. We know what we're doing, even if it's not always right. You tried your best, hyung, it's _okay_ now."

"Why are you always so good to me?" Chan sobs, allowing the tears to slip freely down his warm cheeks. His hands grip at the hem of Minho's oversized hoodie, "I don't understand. What did you see in me all those years ago? Why did you help me?"

"I saw all of the things I see now, Chris," Minho's light breaths flutter across Chan's back, making him shake, "You're strong, you care about people, your heart just wants to love everyone...How could I abandon someone like that? I always saw it in you, no matter how beaten down you were. The fight is all in your eyes, Chris. Don't cry, you're okay, I'm okay. _We're_ okay, Chris."

"But I," Chan pulls back and he hiccups. Minho's expression is wrapped up as a sad smile, his eyes a bit wet but he is not anywhere near the state Chan is in. And no matter what he does, no matter the amount of guilt he has, he knows. Chan knows he won't regret what he has done, what he is a part of and he wonders if that makes him a bad person, "I-"

"Hyung, it's not even just that and you know it," The dancer says seriously, "You really like him, don't you?"

Chan wants to ask which one.

He nods.

Minho smiles, wide and beautiful and it makes another cry bubble from his lips, "I'm glad. I'm _so_ glad, Chan hyung, you deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve something this good."

"Don't you?" He presses their foreheads together as he asks, body still shuddering. Minho's fingers dance along his jaw.

"I have everything I need," He whispers, "But, hyung, can I ask you for something? Before this is all over?"

"Always," Chan breathes.

"Let's do it right. Just- Once, for once I want to feel _loved_ ," Chan's cracked heart shatters as he realizes Minho is not nearly as okay as he seems.

"Of course. Anything for you Minho, _anything_ ," He gently rests his hand against the side of Minho's neck. He is still choking on sobs. Already, he is planning the way he will press soft kisses onto every mark he sees. The only thing he can think is how to make the boy feel as cherished as he is.

Chan knows Lee Minho deserves to be loved.

 

School is back in session and with it Jisung finds himself the center of all negative attention again. He knows he has no choice but to go to school and return to the place he somehow still calls home. He tries to spend weekends with either Changbin, Chan, Felix, Woojin, or Seungmin but he finds it harder and harder to escape his house. It seems like his father is always there, blocking his exit, be it a door or a window. His stern disapproval and heavy hands find Jisung no matter where he goes, and his classmates cruel words and actions are no different. He knows he is losing weight, and he can see the worry in his friends' expressions. Whenever they go to the noodle shop, Jisung always finds that his bowl is just a bit more filled with extra meat and noodles. He always smiles at Seungmin in response, but these days he is finding it harder and harder to get the sunshine one back as a response. It makes him...Sad.

It makes him sad when he sees Felix flinch back after he accidentally knocks a bruise and Jisung winces in pain. The way his friend is so careful after these frequent incidents do not infuriate him, but he wishes he didn't feel the horror that emanates from Felix like rot does a corpse. It makes him sad when Woojin tugs him into hugs and holds on for dear life when they part for Jisung to return home, because he knows the older is wondering if it is the last time they will ever meet. The high schooler is grateful that both respect his wishes and don't tell the authorities.

It makes him sad when Chan's actions are full of _empathy_ , like he has been through all of this before. Jisung hasn't told him a word of what's happening, but he thinks by the wounds that the older sometimes appears with that maybe he does get it. It makes him sad when Changbin tries to hold back his tears on the _really_ bad days, because Jisung knows it hurts Changbin when he is like this but there is nothing that can be done.

Jisung's heart is conflicted, he knows. He is being pulled in the directions of both Bang Chan and Seo Changbin. He wonders if it is selfish to ask for both of them, because Chan is safety and understanding and solidity while Changbin is comfort and strength and warmth and he thinks he is more than a little in love with both. Woojin reassures him it isn't selfish at all, and Felix tells him to just _go_ for it, but Jisung isn't sure if it's that simple. He doesn't even know where to start. His life is a wreck and he hasn't even graduated high school. He still cannot understand why his teachers do not help him when they see the other students hit him, throw slurs around as easily as jokes, and crowd him against walls as they dare him to kiss them because _he's into it_. Felix insists that it's a form of sexual harassment but Jisung doesn't think the police will agree. Administration sure doesn't.

He misses making hot chocolate with his older sister at three a.m. He hasn't seen her in months, after she moved to her university dorm- After their father started beating him. He misses helping his mom with chores around the house because he knows she appreciates it- These days, she no longer even picks him up and patches his wounds. Jisung is left to fend for himself as she stares with wide eyes and acts like nothing is wrong when his father isn't around. He misses working on shitty math worksheets late at night with his father, the both of them surviving off of soda and kimchi chips as they tried to solve problems that made no sense.

Now he is bandaging wounds that he thinks might kill him late at night before he goes to sleep and dreams of escaping it all. Jisung dreams of living with Woojin, Seungmin, and Felix in a little apartment above a bakery, laughing and living together where nothing can touch them. That apartment above the bakery is untouchable in Jisung's mind. It's in that imaginary apartment that Changbin wraps his arms around his waist from behind and Chan presses soft kisses next to his ear. In that apartment, the world is his.

He is exhausted. Jisung goes to sleep on his bedroom floor where he was left hours ago, not minding the blood that is sticky on the floor. His mind wants to go back to that nonexistent place. It is beautiful there.

 

It feels like it has been years since Changbin has been with Hyunjin and Hyunjin alone, and he misses it. They are laying on the bed of the younger's new apartment. Changbin has spent all day helping him move in, and they are tired. Hyunjin had grasped his wrist as soon as the last boxes were set down and pulled him to the bare mattress that sat on the metal frame. Immediately, Changbin found himself laying on his side with the baker's long arms wrapped around his waist and his back pressed against the younger's chest. Their legs tangled together and they did one of his favorite things- Simply existing together. Hyunjin's chest rises and falls out of time with Changbin, but he doesn't mind. It is soothing, in a way, for someone to be so close to when they are just the opposite.

He wonders if in another life he could have fallen for Hwang Hyunjin, and he knows the answer is yes.

But he also knows he won't trade his friendship with Hyunjin for anything, and besides, even as he lays there, he is aware that there are two people already in his heart. He doesn't know what to do with that just yet, but he will. Changbin wants to believe everything will work out in just that one area of his life, because home...

There is something wrong with home. Over the past few years Changbin has learned to not expect any sort of interaction from his family, for their eyes to glide right over him and onto the next interesting thing. He is nothing to them but a mistake that they won't acknowledge exists. But his bedroom is slowly being filled with boxes, and it is less and less boxes of things that are unused in the house and more and more things they _do_ use. Like they are taunting him by walking in and out of his room at all hours of the day, knocking things over and riffling through boxes and having full conversations as he tries to sleep or write lyrics at his desk.

His desk is being covered with things that aren't his.

Changbin looks at his funds and knows that he is not yet at a place to move out and it terrifies him. He hates his house. He hates his family and the way he means nothing to them but a nuisance, like he is a rat that they just can't get rid of. He likes to work much better than being at home. Work smells of sweets and Jisung comes in after school with a _too hurt body_ and Chan shows up sometimes to surprise him. Changbin knows that Chan has stopped... _Whatever_ his deal with Minho was, because Minho and Jeongin still come in too. He no longer sees painful lovebites or fingermarks on their skin and it is like there is a _different_ sense of intimacy between them. Changbin isn't jealous, because that would be unfair to them, one, and two, he knows with just a glance that it is platonic.

Something about Chan seems much more free, and while that makes Changbin happier than he thought he would ever be given the chance to be, Jisung is getting worse again and it terrifies him. He prays for graduation to come, because he needs Jisung away from those people, those _monsters_. He fears the younger won't make it until then.

But Changbin keeps it to himself and takes a breath that holds the scent of powdered sugar and flour- Of Hyunjin.

 

 _It's a coincidence_ , Chan thinks when he recognizes the contact picture that lights up Changbin's phone.

Part of him whispers _Or maybe it's fate_.

They are sitting in Chan and Minho's apartment. The latter and Jeongin are cooking in the kitchen as he and Changbin cuddle on the ugly, blood-stained orange-striped couch. Changbin is half-asleep in his arms and Chan is thinking that they should really replace the old, nasty furniture when the text pops up. The younger has left his phone on Chan's knee as he dozes off, and he peers over at it when it vibrates on his knee. His breath is stolen away when he sees a picture of Han Jisung on a _good_ day where is face isn't all sorts of messed up and his eyes are lit up perfectly by the sun. The contact name reads _Jisungie~ <3_ and a small, breathy laughter escapes him. He doesn't read the text because Chan knows an invasion of privacy, but he jostles Changbin slightly. The younger moans, cutely pressing his face closer into Chan's chest. He cannot hold back his dimpled smile in that moment.

"Changbinnie~" He coos, "You have a text, baby."

"From who?" Changbin mumbles into Chan's hoodie, and the older can hardly hear him.

"Um, a _Jisungie~_ _heart_ person," He laughs, making sure to elongate the Jisungie and _especially_ to say heart. Immediately Changbin's eyes snap open and he sits up, grabbing his phone. He rubs at his eyes tiredly but his cheeks are dusted pink, "What, are you embarrassed? Is it someone you like?"

Chan wonders if he's going too strongly already, but the reaction Changbin has at Jisung's name is so cute he can hardly resist. He wants to take Changbin's face and squish it between his hands when the pink becomes a deep red, but beyond that he is _surprised_. When he saw the heart he knew that Jisung must be someone important to the younger, but he hadn't really expected much beyond them being _friends_. He knew they couldn't be family because Chan is well aware of how Changbin wants nothing to do with his family, so the next logical step is that they are friends. Chan is pleasantly surprised to see a blush, but it also makes him _nervous_ because his mind begins to battle with coincidence versus fate yet again. The whole reason he asked Changbin to lunch at his apartment today, after all, was to talk about a certain Han Jisung.

Still, he raises a hand to his lips and gasps melodramatically.

"It is someone you like!" He points a fake-accusatory finger at Changbin, "I can't believe you're cheating on me. The nerve! You know all you had to do was talk to me."

The last part is slightly more serious and the younger's gaze does not leave the floor. Jeongin skips to them and leans over the back of the couch, trying to peer at the phone that Changbin is holding tightly to his chest. He laughs, "Changbin hyung looks like he's going to die of embarrassment. Minho hyung, I think he actually does like whoever just texted him!"

"Perfect," Minho rolls his eyes as he transfers dishes of food from the kitchen to their tiny dining table, "Now Chan can bring over two boyfriends and be annoyingly lovey-dovey. Oh, wait."

Changbin's eyes snap up at that comment and Chan winces. He fumbles to speak, "I actually asked you over today to talk about something. There's sort of another guy I like, and we haven't been going on dates because I would never do that without asking you first, but I have been getting to know him pretty well and- But we're getting pretty serious now? You and I? And I just, um. Wanted to talk to you about him and see if you're comfortable with everything, but this is kind of awkward? Because, like, is that Han Jisung texting you?"

"You know Jisung?" The younger asks. His normally-small eyes are comically wide and Minho and Jeongin begin whispering in the background. Chan is certain he sees Jeongin start to hit Minho's arm in excitement, but he ignores them and nods as he runs a hand through his silver-grey hair. Changbin's jaw has fallen open and his lips look pretty enough to kiss, but one, they have never kissed before and two, Chan is pretty sure this isn't the time as disappointing as that is and he scratches his neck. Minho is forcing Jeongin to make a plate of food and retreat to the bedroom that they still share, and he is admittedly grateful. Minho is, as always, the best friend he could ask for and he swallows thickly because Changbin is still just sort of staring at him and _wow_ , is that a stain he has never noticed before on his jacket because-

"Oh my God, just _talk_ already!" Jeongin calls right before Minho can slam the door shut behind them. Chan rolls his eyes, and he sees Changbin run a hand through his black hair.

"Wait wait wait, let me get this straight," Changbin breathes out, seemingly in a state of disbelief, "Are you telling me you like another guy, and that boy just so happens to be _Han Jisung_? The Han Jisung who always is, you know..."

At the reference to Jisung's injuries, Chan's high-energy mood deflates a bit, "Yeah, yeah, that's him. We met a few months ago and I just, um, you know."

"Yeah, I do," Changbin mutters, " _Really_ well."

"So you actually like him too? That wasn't just because I was teasing you?" Chan knows that he should keep the hope out of his voice, he really should, but then Changbin looks up with a shy smile and his world explodes into even more vibrant colors because something feels _right_.

 

"I'm an idiot," Jisung starts and Seungmin raises an eyebrow, "Don't answer that. It wasn't even a question. Felix is coming so I can have a breakdown with the both of you, is that cool?"

"Great," Seungmin says sarcastically, but he leads Jisung through the kitchen where, for once, his parents aren't, and into his house. It had taken literally months for him to realize that the noodle shop was actually part of the younger's house, and it still amazed him that his bedroom was right next to the noisy place. _That's why I help out at the restaurant_ , Seungmin had explained, _It's too noisy through the walls to focus and I get paid._ Jisung felt that it was a fair deal. With a heavy sigh, he situated himself on the younger's rolling chair with his feet flat against the seat, his back pressing against the arm and his knees drawn to his chest. There is a heavy weight situated there, one that is hard to breathe through, and his lower lip trembles. The position is aggravating all sorts of aches and pains but he doesn't care.

He really doesn't.

Seungmin is looking at him with concern now, but they can both hear Felix opening the door and he leaves to retrieve him. Jisung's eyes slide shut and he grips his phone tighter. Regrets are piling up inside of him like boulders and he finds himself wishing he had done something differently as the younger two return with worried eyes. Felix heads for him immediately, wrapping him in a hug.

"What's wrong, Jisungie?" He whispers, but his deep voice carries in the room.

"I'm too late," He gnaws on his lip, "I'm an idiot and I'm too late and I should have done something. You all told me to just go for it but I'm stupid and I didn't."

"What are you talking about?" Seungmin asks, and he frustratedly tugs at his hair.

"With Chan hyung. I just- You know how I'm going out with Changbin hyung tomorrow so he can formally introduce me to Hyunjin or whatever? I texted Chan hyung to ask if he could come with me, that way I don't become an awkward third wheel, right?" Jisung hears the semi-hysterical laugh bubble from his lips but he hardly notices. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, and he knocks on it lightly with his fist as though that could make his heart stop hurting. He thinks tears are building in his eyes but he's not quite sure and he's too _like this_ to check, "You know what he texts me back? Do you have any idea what he texts me back, Felix?"

"Oh, no..." Felix gasps, eyebrows drawn together. His freckles are being highlighted by the golden sun streaming through Seungmin's window. The youngest of the three is listening but he is also doing homework and Jisung knows it's fair even though it sends a flare of annoyance through him. He nods in response to Felix.

"Yeah, he says, ' _sorry I can't, I have work then I'm meeting up with my boyfriend._ ' But not even just that! The boyfriend had a stupid question mark and, and then he said that they were really just getting serious so he wasn't sure if boyfriend was quite right but he really liked him," Jisung's voice is swinging between much too strong and thready and weak, but he places his palm against his mouth, feeling the tears burning his eyes, " _Felix_."

He is whining but the younger is at his side in an instant, petting his hair as he places Jisung's head on his shoulder.

"I could have done something to make him like me before he got serious with that guy," His fists ball up and he squeezes his eyes until they hurt. He knows that Bang Chan is not his, that he has made no promise to be Jisung's forever but the younger is regretting it. His heart is really aching, because Chan is just...He's _Chan_. Chris from Australia, who he had learned was kicked out when he was fifteen and lives with his friend Minho and sometimes his friend Jeongin. Chan is someone who quits his job only to get a new one as soon as possible after. He is someone precious to Jisung and while yes they can be _friends_ Jisung has wanted them to be more. He bites his knuckles and tries not to cry as Felix comforts him.

 

Changbin isn't sure how he feels about keeping the whole thing from Jisung. Chan reminds him that the boy is still in high school and that while they both like him, and they're both pretty sure he, too, is into them, he might not be so comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with the both of them at the same time. Just the _notion_ of having both Jisung and Chan by his sides makes Changbin happier than he can imagine, and he finds himself scrawling their names together on the edge of his notebook as he tries to write lyrics. His mind is too loud, though, and no lines are coming through the way he wants them too. With a frustrated sigh, he pushes back from his desk and grabs a hoodie, pulling it on. He slips out of his room and through the silent house, shutting the front door behind him. He does not lock it and instead hops down the concrete steps.

The night is cold, as it often is, but it is also warming up these days so he has been out in cooler weather. The sky is dark and every once in a while, a car drives by and disturbs the atmosphere, but overall it is peaceful. Changbin can feel his thoughts starting to sort themselves out and lyrics become clearer in his mind. They are much different than his normal lyrics, though- While he writes about not knowing who you are, about working hard until people cannot deny your existence, about his fears and his goals, these ones are unique. The phrases that are fluttering past him talk of love and finding a place where you are safe. It makes him huff out a laugh and his head tilts up.

"You're stupidly lovesick, you know that?" Changbin whispers to himself, and it is true. But it is also true that getting to know Bang Chan and Han Jisung has changed him for the better. Without them, he thinks, he would have faded long ago. He would have lost all sense of who he is, and his family would have won. It's a scary thought, how much he has grown in the past few months, but he thinks he likes it.

However, as Changbin looks around, he realizes that he has traveled much farther than he normally does on his night excursions. His phone tells him that it is two a.m. on a Tuesday morning and he curses because the notification on his phone also tells him he has work in four hours. Changbin looks around to find his way home, but stops short at the sound of a front door opening. There is something scratching in the back of his mind to look at that open door, and with apprehension he turns. There is light flooding from the open space, and he squints, but he can see someone scrambling out of it on their hands and knees. The figure attempts to stand upright but falls right over, whimpering, and there is someone else in the doorway.

"Get the fuck back in here, Jisung!" He yells, and Changbin's blood runs cold as he recognizes Jisung's purple sweatshirt that he is so fond of.

"Leave me _alone_!" The boy cries, dragging himself away, "I won't come back tonight so _please_ just leave me alone!"

Changbin can hear his words are slurred by swollen flesh and he wants to take the high schooler into his arms and stop whatever _this_ is, but his brain isn't working and his limbs are locked frozen. He watches the teenager finally get himself into a standing position, and his arms wrap around his own body protectively. There is a gash on his forehead that is bleeding too much and it makes Changbin feel sick to his stomach.

"I won't come back, I won't," His voice is shaking as he stumbles back, "Dad, enough, please, okay?"

The man moves to take a step forward, but he catches Changbin's gaze. His face drains to a white color and he steps back inside, slamming the door shut. It is like the horrifying spell is broken and Changbin immediately moves to Jisung's side. The younger hasn't noticed him, face in his hands as he takes short, shuttering breaths and this. _This_. This explains so much more than he wanted to know and he can feel the tears building in his eyes and the lump in his throat but Han Jisung is incredibly more important than himself right now.

"Jisungie?" Changbin's voice hardly hits the air before the younger is whipping around, quickly moving away from him.

" _Hyung_?" Jisung's tone is high with terror. His heart cracks, "How long have you- Why are you here? Oh my God I-"

"Jisung, you're bleeding," Changbin shuts his eyes for a long moment. He doesn't want to have this conversation now, he just wants Jisung to get taken care of and there is only one place he can think of to go, "Let me help you first. Then we can talk. Okay?"

There is a long, dangerous pause and he is terrified the younger will reject his outstretched hand, but with a defeated sigh and a teary smile, Jisung's fingers lace with his and he nods.

"Okay."

 

Chan does not expect to see Changbin at his door with Jisung at somewhere around two-forty in the morning, but it is his current situation and he knows how to roll with the punches. Sort of. He sees the confusion in the youngest of the three's eyes when he and Changbin greet each other casually, but every question he tries to force out gets broken by a sob or a strong wave of pain and he asks Jisung to be quiet so he can fix him up. For this, he enlists Minho whose dark eyes are sad as he looks over the beaten boy. Changbin seems to be almost hyperventilating in the corner but he refuses any attempt Chan makes to get close to him and he is at a loss for what to do. He doesn't know what the other saw but it was enough to put him in this state and his chest aches. A sigh breaks free from his lips and he kneels by Jisung, putting a hand carefully on his knee.

"Jisung, how are you feeling?" Minho is finishing putting a bandage on the particularly deep cut on his head.

"I'm confused," He breathes out, before a tremor runs through him, "How do yo- _Ow_!"

"Sorry," Minho whispers, and the guilt on his face is genuine. Chan already knows his question though, and he glances over at Changbin who is slowly but surely shuffling over to them.

"How do Changbin and I know each other, right?" Jisung's hand has found his arm and his fingers are wrapped around Chan's forearm. He taps his finger twice, and the older takes this as a _yes_ , "He's the guy I've been seeing. The one I texted you about? We didn't know that we both knew you until just a few days ago, actually."

" _Oh_ ," Jisung's tone is all wrong, and Chan's heart squeezes. But today is not the day to talk about the three of them, because just an inch or so to the left and that injury could very well have killed Jisung. Chan has been content with letting the younger deal with whatever his life was that led to being hurt so badly, because the boy seemed genuinely happier with the subject being left untouched. Now there is a bitter fear building up inside of him and he doesn't know what to do. He has no idea if this is something at home or a problem with classmates or even maybe some gang stuff because Jisung was never open about his history, but he does know that he can't let it go anymore. Minho is silent as he cleans out more minor abrasions. Chan squeezes Jisung's knee supportively and opens his mouth to speak, but Changbin beats him to it.

"You said it was school. Why did you lie to me?" He is curling into himself as he speaks, but his voice is as broken as Jisung looks and Chan's eyes are moving rapidly between the two of them. Jisung swallows hard.

"It wasn't a lie, hyung," He whispers, "It just wasn't the whole truth. It's both. He outed me to my family before the school and...Things have been like this."

Changbin is crying now, small sobs shaking his shoulders as he hide his face in his arms. They are hard to hear beyond sniffling but they are visible and Chan places his other hand on the younger's back, rubbing calming circles into them. He doesn't have the full picture, sure, but Chan has enough to put a basic story together and he realizes that he understands Jisung much better than he previously thought. He _hates_ that, and he hates the shadowed look in the high schooler's eyes as he stares at the crying Changbin, as though he wants to reach for him but isn't sure he's allowed to. Chan hates everything about this and he hates the unfair world they live in but when he looks Minho in the eyes, the red hot fury leaves him. Anger does not help anyone and he is exhausted as he pulls Changbin into a one-armed hug.

"Jisung, stay here for the night, okay? Don't worry about school tomorrow," He says, and cuts off the youngest's protest, "You need to rest and to me it sounds like you won't get that at home or at school. You can tell me the full story when you're more comfortable, okay? So don't worry about that, but for now I just want you where I know you're safe."

"I'm a nuisance to you and your roommate," He denies, shaking his head but Minho interrupts this time.

"You're always welcome here," He tilts his head and smiles at the younger, "Chris never shuts up about you or Changbin, so I feel like I know you already. Stay, okay?"

Jisung's eyes widen, and he looks to Chan for confirmation. He rubs the back of his head awkwardly.

"Well, yeah," He says and runs his fingers through Changbin's tangled hair. His cries have mostly ceased but he still won't look up, "You're both really important to me. So go to sleep, we can talk later."

Jisung nods but his eyes linger on Changbin. Chan's body feels warmth flood through it as he realizes just how much the boy cares for Changbin.

"I'll take care of him, don't worry."

 

In the morning, Jisung still cannot believe this. The previous night is still like some fucked-up nightmare-but-also-dream, and he isn't sure how to process it. Right now, there is an absolute stranger sleeping in bed next to him. Chan's roommate, Minho, had been kind enough to create a barrier of pillows but explained that Chan and Changbin would be taking the couch so they had time to talk, and that left him to share the bed with Jisung. So that in itself is enough to make him a little out of it, but more than that, a lot of shit happened last night and he doesn't know how to pick through it all. It had started fairly standard, his dad yelling and hitting and _whatever_ , but then Changbin had showed up after like some sort of just-a-little-late knight and helped piece him together as he spoke about lyrics he was writing as he took him somewhere to take care of his injuries. He figured it would be Hyunjin's apartment or something because he knows that the older does not get along with his family, but when the door opened to show _Chan hyung_ , Jisung started to think that his dad had accidentally killed him this time.

 _It can't be real_ , he thought to himself as the two spoke informally to each other, _But it is._

It is real, and that is what hurts him the most. The boyfriend that he had lost Chan hyung to was Changbin hyung, and it was so obvious to him that they are a good couple. Something about Chan's undeniable love and openness with others pairs so well with Changbin's subtle sweetness and Jisung finds himself loving it. The way Chan had so effortlessly begun to comfort his boyfriend is just _perfect_ , and it makes Jisung's insides flutter and he wonders why. He is not a part of that world with them, and he wonders how he managed to fall in love with two people who loved in each other. He remembers the way that Chan completely respected Changbin's boundaries the previous night and it makes his lips turn up even if he also sort of wants to cry at the same time.

Jisung hurts. It's not unusual but his body and his mind are both throbbing messes and he wonders where his phone is because he knows Felix will panic when he doesn't show up for school. He doesn't remember if he had it when he scrambled out of the house last night. When he thinks of Felix, he remembers that conversation he had with him and Woojin, about dating the both of them. Jisung knows it's impossible but it is a nice, fleeting thought at least. If he can't be happy with them, he can certainly be happy for them, and he is solidifying this idea in his mind as he pushes himself into a sitting position. He knows he cannot avoid leaving this, _no_ , Chan hyung's bedroom forever and Jisung wants to get it over with. He wants to tell his terrible story and he wants to apologize for liking the both of them and to ask them to be happy together, and then he wants to go to Woojin's apartment and probably cry over a tub of cookie dough ice cream and three-too-many pieces of cheesecake.

Trying to not wake up Minho, he slides out of the bed as carefully as possible and feels his way to the door. When he finds it, Jisung shuts his eyes briefly and slips through it. When he closes the door behind him and opens his eyes, he sees Changbin wrapped in Chan's arms on the ugly couch. The former is still asleep but the latter looks at him immediately, offering a smile with dimples deeper than Jisung's bruises and he nearly laughs at his own joke, pressing a hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter. The last thing he wants is to wake the sleeping boy up, but seeing Chan's raised brow and confused expression, he can hardly keep it in. Jisung takes as deep of breaths as his ribs will allow through his nose, and dabs at his eyes to dry the extra moisture as he fans himself.

"Sorry hyung, I just thought of something funny," He whispers, curling into the small open space on the couch. He is frankly worried by the amount of what he has come to recognize as blood stains on the furniture, but he remembers how sometimes Chan looked no better than him and decides not to bring it up. He picks at the worn sleeves of his purple hoodie, "Good morning, Chan hyung."

The older does not contain the deep laughter that rumbles in his chest and makes Jisung's round cheeks flush, "G'morning, Jisung."

Changbin shifts, catching both of their attention. Jisung marvels at how much more peaceful he looks while he is sleeping- There is not the draw of his brows, his clenched jaw, the hesitance in every smile, the teeth biting his lip. He likes seeing the smoothed worry lines rather than seeing them deepened, and he likes the darkness of his eyelashes. Jisung stiffens and looks away when Changbin's eyes flutter open. Chan squeezes and jostles him a little, directing his smile downwards and pressing his lips close to Changbin's ear.

"Morning, baby," His voice is low.

" _He calls him baby_ ," Jisung whispers to himself because that's so cute, but apparently not quietly enough because Chan is laughing again and _wow_ is that the door because Jisung thinks it looks like a great escape right now, but Changbin is leaning forward and placing a hand on his knee.

"Jisung, you should put ice on that," He says, and his fingers move to trace the bandage above his eye. His heart feels like it's going to burst out of his chest and he finally understands all of those stupid things Felix sent him to read on his phone because he thinks those descriptions fit him perfectly. Silence falls over them, and Jisung feels so much energy inside of him he might die right then and there. He doesn't know how to start this conversation and he definitely doesn't know how to tell Changbin to stop touching him because, one, he doesn't want him to, and two, Chan is right there and he's awkward.

Finally, Chan takes pity on all three of them and clears his throat. Changbin moves with a blush, leaving the oldest's lap and situating himself between them.

"Do you want to talk about this," Chan motions in his general direction, "Right now or would you rather wait? It's okay if you want to wait, Jisung."

The _later_ tumbles from his lips before he can stop it, but neither seem surprised. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"Then do you want to talk about, um," Changbin is biting his lip again and he looks to Chan. Jisung has a slight feeling he knows where this conversation is going and he wonders just how damn obvious he must have been with his crushes on both of them. His mind begins to entertain the thought that they laughed about him behind his back together and it makes his hands shake. He knows they are too kind for that, he _knows it_ , but Jisung is terrified anyway and his throat feels tight.

"I like you," Chan says, "I like you a lot Jisung. Just as much as I like Changbin."

Jisung chokes on his saliva but shies away from Changbin's worried hands, "I-I'm sorry, _what_?"

Chan shrugs, "It never really came up between you and I but I'm polyamorous. And I really like you, and Changbin knows that."

Jisung feels a little nauseous. This conversation is not at all what he is expecting and his head isn't quite up to the task of following it well. He furrows his brows and instinctively looks towards Changbin for help. When he sees the older chewing on his bottom lip _again_ with red ears, he suddenly remembers all of the times that Changbin only gave him that self-conscious smile when Jisung did something a little too non-heterosexual to explain away, how he would take his time to listen and entertain all of his stupid memes and there is something inside of his chest. His gaze retreats to Chan who is fiddling with his earring and nudging his boyfriend. _Holy shit. Holy fucking shit._

"And I like you too, Jisungie," Changbin confesses, before he smirks at Chan, " _Just as much as I like Chan hyung_."

"Don't make fun of me," Chan mumbles, and he throws his arms around Changbin's shoulders. The butterflies in Jisung's stomach return full-force as he looks at them. He _definitely_ needs his phone so he can take a picture of them because they're painfully cute together and then-

Changbin smiles at him, but there is no restraint this time and it steals Jisung's breath.

"Do you want to work something out, Sungie?" There is too much fear in Chan's voice because Jisung is already rushing out his answer.

" _Yes please_."

 

Their relationship is anything but perfect, Chan realizes. There's a lot of problems they come across, and a hell of a lot of shit to work through. He learns Jisung's story one tearful Friday night over ice cream Changbin has brought over from the ice cream parlor. Minho is at dance practice and the high schooler tells him the story of his crush Lucas, and how he posted Jisung's letter coming out to him on the school site. Changbin already knew that half of the story, and how school became a place where no one gave him a second glance unless they wanted to hurt him in some way or another. But that night they both learn of how Lucas also sent the letter to his family and how Jisung's father became abusive in a matter of days, how his mother pretended like nothing was wrong, and how his sister stopped coming home. Chan learns that the only safe places he knows are his friend Felix's house, his other friend Woojin's apartment, the parlor, and that noodle shop that Chan and Changbin went to for their first date.

He tells Jisung that he can add his apartment to the list.

Then on a warm Monday morning when Jisung is skipping school and making breakfast in Chan's apartment, Changbin shows up in tears because overnight his family has taken all of their important things and left the house and he's pretty sure they aren't coming back. It takes a lot of hugs and tears and he tells them the way that not one of his family members has spoken to him since he came out two years ago and it makes sense as to why Chan looked at him and thought he was disappearing because he probably felt like he was.

It takes another hour to get Jisung to stop crying after they get Changbin asleep.

And of course comes the day when Jisung finally ventures to ask why he lives with Minho and Chan knows that it is time to spill to them that he lived on the street for a few years. How Minho literally saved his life after he was kicked out, and that's why he's so important to him.

They have _issues_ on their own. Issues that they can't always overcome, and sometimes it causes strain on their relationship. Like when Jisung shows up with new bruises and Chan wants nothing more than to go and fuck up his dad and yell at his mom but the younger begs him not to and then there's arguing and Changbin leaves the room. Like when Changbin moves in with Hyunjin because his family _did_ abandon him and sometimes Jisung feels like he might be closer with Hyunjin than them and then they have to sit down with the three of them and have conversations that no one likes but are important- At least those end with cuddling sessions. And then there are moments when Chan feels like he is bringing them too much into his world, when he worries that soon Jisung will have to worry about more than just his family and classmates hurting him and that Changbin will start to learn how to take a hit properly. It takes Jeongin telling him to stop being an idiot and to talk to his boyfriends about his worries every time before it gets worked out.

So yeah, it's not perfect. But there are perfect moments Chan doesn't want to trade for the world.

He loves waking up to Changbin pressed flush against his chest, and Jisung curled towards Changbin's. He loves wiping ice cream off of Jisung's lips and popping his thumb in his mouth after just to tease him. He loves kissing the corner of Changbin's lip, especially when it is curving up in a smile. He loves watching Jisung and Changbin debate over the difference between lyric-writing and poem-writing and listening to Jisung laugh on the phone with his friends and and feeling Changbin's arms slide around him in a hug. Chan loves Han Jisung and Seo Changbin in unique and beautiful ways. Jisung is laughter and spring breezes and the taste of cool watermelon on your tongue when it's too hot. Changbin is delicate words and a flower growing in the cracks of the concrete and a hoodie in the fall.

He loves them.

 

Changbin doesn't think he can go back to the past and change anything even if he's given the chance. He wants his family to love him. He wants to have a relationship with them. He wants to know where they are. But he is scared that if he changes the past that he wouldn't have what he does now, and what he has now is too good to give up. Just like any other relationship there is problems, but to Changbin they mean nothing in the face of Bang Chan's kisses and Han Jisung's breath tickling his ear as he whispers " _hyung_ " in that beautiful voice of his. Those are things that he can't give up no matter how he thinks about it. If having his family's love and support again means never experiencing these things, he doesn't want it. It sounds crazy, he knows it does, but he tells Hyunjin anyway and the younger contemplates it over his cup of coffee.

"I don't think it is, hyungie," He says seriously, tilting his head. Changbin shakes his head.

"I had my family my whole life until two years ago," He denies, fingers squeezing around his own cup. He worries that he is going to pop the plastic lid off and wonders why he's drinking it in a paper cup instead of a glass one like Hyunjin, "I only found Chan hyung and Jisung months ago. I've had them for less than that."

"See, but that's the thing!" Hyunjin locks his gaze on Changbin, "You already know, hyungie. Your family's love _was_ conditional. You've experienced it, so imagining it otherwise just doesn't seem right. But not even _despite_ who you are- No, _because_ of who you are, Chan hyung and Jisung love you. Wouldn't anyone prefer that? If family loves you, a lot of the time it's because they are obligated to, but those two didn't choose to fall in love with you. It just happened."

Changbin isn't quite sure about the family-love situation, but he repeats the last phrase because it sends pleasant tingles up his spine, "It just happened."

That describes it perfectly. It just happened. He likes that, a lot. Changbin didn't need to be in the park with Hyunjin that morning when he met Chan. He didn't need to walk Chan and Jeongin home. He didn't need to go to that dance recital. He didn't need to take an interest in the high schooler that looked like a punching bag. Changbin didn't need to listen to every word Jisung spoke. He didn't need to make him special ice cream or talk about his problems. They were all things that just happened, because of choices he or someone else made on a whim. That makes it all the better. It makes the brightness in Jisung's eyes even prettier, and the dimples in Chan cheeks even more precious. If something in the past changed, maybe those things wouldn't be there. Maybe if Minho hadn't helped out Chan, Changbin would never have had someone kiss the corner of his lips just because it made him feel special. Maybe if Seungmin hadn't befriended Jisung, Changbin would never find his hand being traced with soft fingertips as he falls asleep.

But things happened the way they did. Chan's parents kicked him out and he made it to where he is. Changbin's family abandoned him but he made himself live again. Jisung's family hurts him but he still smiles and laughs and makes promises for tomorrow because he is sure there will _be_ a tomorrow. Changbin admires the optimism Jisung never fails to hold onto, and he admires Chan's unending well of strength.

He loves them.

 

Felix doesn't think it's weird when Jisung tells them he doesn't kiss them even though they kiss each other. He thinks it's normal and fair, and Woojin reminds him that his relationship with them doesn't have to move at the same pace and theirs does with each other. Then Felix adds that they're older and have been together longer, and it makes Jisung feel a little inferior until his friends roll their eyes and say that's not a _bad_ thing. He can't help but feel insecure, because he _is_ nervous and unsure. He has never had a boyfriend before, much less two, and it is all so new to him. But as much as it makes him nervous, he always tries to bring up his insecurities to Chan and Changbin and he is always relieved when he does because they _listen_. They respect him and they try to soothe him and offer ways to make him feel more secure in the relationship.

Not everything works, but they try their best. Jisung knows he has a lot of growing to do, and that's why he appreciates them so damn much. They might coo over him and call him cute and tease him, but they never treat him like a child. He is equal, they are all equals, and there is nothing that makes him more comfortable than that. Just thinking of the way Chan helps him with his homework even if he has no idea what's going on is adorable enough to make him squeal as he walks home. He gets a few strange looks but he ignores them, because now he is thinking of Changbin's expression when he sees something he doesn't like and it's just _precious_.

Truly, Jisung admires them. They are strong. They both have been through so much but they haven't given up, and that gives him the courage he needs. He knows graduation is coming up, and the moment it does he is leaving that high school and his house far behind. He knows that with Changbin and Chan by his side, he can face any difficulty the world throws at him.

To him, they are hope. They are the foundation of the strongest temple. They are love and cuddling and fingers running through hair and inside jokes and dates to amusement parks and beaches and home.

Jisung loves the amusement park because of Changbin. He always is willing to try any ride no matter how much it may scare him and he clings to Jisung and buys greasy, overpriced food that they wouldn't buy anywhere else. He loves the amusement park because it's where Changbin holds his hand for the first time.

Jisung loves the beach because of Chan. They collect rocks and seashells and even glass from the ocean. They go to a storage unit that Chan rents out and make a beautiful mosaic with them. It's big, too big to put anywhere but the storage unit but it is theirs. He loves the beach because it's where Chan kisses his forehead for the first time.

And then Jisung loves _home_ , or Chan's apartment because that is where they cook together and dance to obnoxiously loud music and eat with Minho and Jeongin. It's where they cuddle on the couch until four a.m. and where he goes when he skips school and where he watches Bang Chan and Seo Changbin share the sweetest kisses that make his cheeks warm and his heart happy and his lips smile.

He loves them.

 

"They're so cute together," Woojin sighs as he scrolls through the texts Felix has sent them. The younger is "secretly following" Chan, Changbin, and Jisung on their date, but Jisung is simultaneously texting him that Felix is being an annoying stalker and asking if he should call the police on his best friend. Seungmin giggles and leans into his shoulder, grasping his phone lazily and taking it from his hand. Woojin kisses his temple as the younger zooms in on one of the pictures.

"Woojin hyung, are they trying to hold hands three-way?" He laughs, and Woojin raises a brow in interest as he looks closer.

"That certainly seems to be the case," The blond rolls his eyes and takes his phone back, locking it before placing it face down on his bedroom floor. He wraps an arm around Seungmin and moves them so that the redhead is facing his chest and Woojin's chin is tucked over his head. Seungmin snuggles closer, sighing in happiness as he takes in the scent of his boyfriend's cologne. It's nothing fancy but it's distinctly _him_ and makes his head spin in the best way he can imagine. The room falls silent for a few moments as they become lost in their own thoughts, but Woojin suddenly speaks up again. Seungmin can feel his voice rumble in his chest, "Do you think they were meant to be?"

"I don't believe in soulmates," Seungmin replies, tracing a pattern on the older's back with his fingertips. Woojin shivers pleasantly, "But I do believe that they made each other grow. It was weird to watch, and they didn't even notice. But I'm glad they found each other, even if it wasn't fate."

"Aw, so we aren't meant to be?" Woojin teases with a grin.

"Nope!" He pops the ' _p_ ' obnoxiously, "We just happen to be very good together. Almost perfection, maybe? But not quite."

He laughs and begins to comb a hand through Seungmin's soft red hair. The boy takes his other hand and rubs over the callouses. They are from playing the guitar and he brings Woojin's hand close to his face. Seungmin presses a soft kiss to each fingertip before tangling the hands together and holding them in the small empty space between their bodies. Woojin sighs in happiness.

"You know, they haven't even realized they all came to my parent's restaurant for the first time on the same day. Felix hasn't either, actually. Just us," He whispers like it is a huge secret, and Woojin laughs again.

"But you still say it isn't fate."

"It isn't fate," Seungmin confirms, "It's love."


End file.
